Scott's Blog of Doom

MICHAEL'S IMPACT REVIEW #10

MARCH 8, 2010

ORLANDO, FLORIDA - THE IMPACT ZONE

-  Feels good to get to flip back and forth like it's 1998 again.  Let's cross the line.

-  New TNA Impact Video to start; your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

-  Two minutes in and we already have multiple shots of Dixie Carter, marking out.  Abyss is rocking new all black attire with his insignia on his back in red and yellow.  Hogan has the mic.  Fans are SUPER amped in the Impact Zone tonight.  Hogan is filibustering about how AJ and Flair are going down.  Hogan wants them out to the ring now.  So it looks like....

1.  Abyss and Hulk Hogan vs.  AJ Styles and Ric Flair

-  This may be a smart move.  If this match shits the bed, them at least we have it out the way.  AJ is sporting his old short tights.  Abyss goes after AJ and AJ fights back with kicks and shops.  AJ ducks a couple of clotheslines and runs into a press slam throw across the ring.  Flair tags in.  Flair chops Abyss and Abyss no-sells.  Abyss now chops Flair and big back body drop.  Ref has his back turned and Flair connects with a low blow.  AJ covers Abyss's head with the robe and hammers away.  Hogan has enough and nails Flair.  AJ with a PELE KICK on Hogan.  AJ and Flair hammer away on Hogan and Abyss and the lights go out.  It's STING!!  Sting stands between AJ and Flair and Hogan and Abyss.  Sting nails Abyss and Hogan with the bat!!!!  Abyss is stood up and takes another bat to the gut and AJ kills Abyss with the chair.  Hogan is up and Flair gingerly cracks Hogan to the head and Hogan blades on camera.  Security out now and AJ and Flair leave.  Brooke Hogan is shown and seems very upset.  Hogan grabs the mic.  He spits blood all over the camera and says they will finish this match tonight, brother.  Later on, the match will re-start, NO DISQUALIFICATION!  As for this match; the time was 3:02 at a NO-CONTEST.  (DUD) We'll be right back.

-  Back on TNA and we see what happened before the break.  Backstage we see Sting walking toward Dixie Carter.  He pushes her against the wall and tells her "he owes her nothing".  Now we see JB with AJ Styles and Ric Flair.  AJ says there are no do-overs in wrestling.  But, they will own them one more time tonight.  Flair is getting fired up.  He turns redder than Wahoo McDaniel (that's not racist, is it?) and says he will make a statement tonight.  He says, "if you wants blood, guts, and glory; you dial Ric Flair."  Now we cut to Abyss wiping the blood off his head yelling "WHY STING?  WHY?!?".  We'll be right back.

-  Back on TNA.  We see Brooke Hogan talking to Hogan's girlfriend, Jennifer.  She is upset because she knows what Hogan is capable of.

-  In the ring, we have Kazarian.  He says that he walked away from TNA 2 years ago because of doubt in himself.  The doubt is gone and we wants to re-ignite the X Division.  Crowd pops for the X Division.  Enter Daniels.  Is it bad that I forgot about him?  Daniels says he will lead the X Division into battle.  He says he was X Division 10 years before it was cool.  He wants to carry the X Division alone.  Enter Doug Williams.  He calls Kaz and Daniels old geezers.  USA chants erupt.  Really?  Kazarian asks Williams where he was 7 years ago when they were pioneering the X Division.  Daniels takes exception to that.  Kazarian calls him a selfish prick.  Enter Eric Bischoff.  He says he will make TNA bigger, stronger, and faster.  He books Kazarian's X Division title match for right now.

TNA X DIVISION TITLE

2.  Kazarian vs. Daniels vs. Doug Williams

-  Series of nearfalls as the bell rings.  Williams eats a spinning heel kick from Daniels.  He tries the same on Kaz and Kaz holds onto the ropes.  Williams grabs Kaz and Kaz rolls him up and Daniels runs into a Northern Lights Bridge!  Double cover gets 2!  Williams and Daniels battle on the outside.  Kaz WILL FLY!  Somersault dive on both!  Daniels up and tries a whip into the post and Kaz reverses.  Williams slingshots Kaz in and hits a running knee to the face.  Williams hammers away in the corner and whips Kaz into the corner and hits a flying knee to the face.  Kaz comes back and Daniels drops him.  Daniels kicks Kaz in the face.  Daniels hits a springboard moonsault and cover gets 2.  Daniels hits a flying forearm in the corner.  DVD gets 2.  Williams on the top and Daniels meets him up; they botch a spot.  They double clothesline each other.  Kaz with a double springboard dropkick.  All men down.  Kaz up and hits Williams and Daniels with clotheslines.  Springboard elbow on Daniels and flying legdrop.  Cover gets 2.  Kaz sets Daniels up to the second rope and Daniels drops down.  Williams comes in and attempts the Chaos Theory, Daniels rolls them both up.  Only 2.  Kaz grabs Daniels with a swinging neckbreaker and gets 2.  Daniels with a standing Urinage.  BME attempted but Kaz moves.  Williams comes in and hits the CHAOS THEORY on Daniels for the win @ 6:46.  (Sucks that Kaz isn't getting his match at Destination X.  This match was great, though.  B-)  Here comes Shannon Moore.  He cleans house of Williams.  Eric Bischoff names Moore the number one contender for the X Division title at Destination X.

-  Backstage it's JB with Dixie Carter.  She books Sting in a match tonight.  We will find out who his opponent is when everybody else does.  Can I Book a match too, tonight?  Everybody else is!

MATCH FOR THE VACANT TNA KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS

3.  Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. Madison Rayne & Velvet Sky (With Lacey) vs. Tara & Angelina Love

-  Taylor and Tara start.  Taylor with a spinwheel kick and gets 2.  Sarita in and hits a springboard stunner on Tara.  Velvet tags in and gets 2.  Madison in and snapmares Tara and gets 2.  Velvet slaps Tara.  Velvet back in and double Russian legsweep gets 2.  Taylor and Sarita in and Lacey trips them both.  Double low dropkicks.  Angelina in and drops Madison.  Tara goes for the Widow's Peak and Daffney hits her with the Knockout's title.  Madison covers and gets the win @ 2:14.  We have new Knockout Tag Team Champions.  (Match would have been alright if they had more than 2 minutes.  D+.)

-  Backstage is Christy Hemme with the Pope.  Pope begins his promo on Desmond Wolfe.  In comes Wolfe with a chain and works over the Pope.  He takes Pope's boot off and makes a remark about a chain belonging on his ankle.  He whips the chain violently on Pope's ankle.

-  Now we see Sting headed to the ring.  Taz asks Mike Tenay what he was doing at 4:20 this afternoon.  RVD vs.Sting is next.

-  Back on TNA and the Beautiful People are celebrating.  Lacey wants to know if she is a champion too.  JB brings in some champagne to celebrate.  Velvet dumps it on his head.

4.  Sting vs.  Rob Van Dam

-  Why turn Sting heel?  The fans will always mark out for him.  RVD from the crowd!  Sting turns around and eats a flying drops kick.  ROLLING THUNDER will do it in 10 seconds.  (DUD, TNA should have given them 15 or 20 minutes and let them go.)  Sting has his bat and beats RVD down with it.  Sting goes to leave and comes back in and beats RVD with the bat some more.  Fans chant "you suck" to Sting.  Sting beats up all the refs on the ramp way.  Sting comes back to the ring and beats on RVD again.  Out comes Hulk Hogan to confront Sting and he gets held back by Bubba the Love Sponge.  Sting wants Hogan to come in and continues to beat up RVD.  Hogan gets to the ring apron and security holds him back.  Sting belts RVD, AGAIN!  He grabs Hogan and catches him with one too.  Sting comes up the ramp and beats up security and clocks Hogan with the bat again.

-  Now as Mike Tenay and Taz discuss what just happened, out comes Kevin Nash and Eric Young.  Nash says he has a contract for one night only for Waltman and Hall.  Nash says it is for Designation X.  Yes, that's right; he fucked up the pay per view name.  Will the Band answer?  We'll find out on the other side of the break.

-  Back on TNA as we wait for the Band to come out.  Crowd chants "Hall is wasted; so is Pac".  Security step in to block off half the ring for Pac and Hall.  Hall calls Nash, Big Sellout.  He says that Hogan ain't running the sh-iz-ow after what Sting did to him.  He says they will beat Nash and Young and then they want full time contracts.  Eric Bischoff says that if they win, they will get their contracts.  If they don't, Pac and Hall leave TNA.  Hall says its a deal-do and he will be the one dressed like Elvis.  Waltman slaps Young and Young spears him to the mat.  Bischoff says to lock the doors and Nash and Hall leave cause...

4.  Eric Young vs. Sean Waltman

-  Waltman with lightning kicks in the corner.  Young answers with a big ass clothesline.  Young with a back body drop and rams his head into the mat.  Waltman lifted and goes over the top of Young and hits a spin heel kick.  Waltman goes for the Bronco Buster and misses.  Young hits the SPIKE PILEDRIVER for the win @ 1:11.  (For the pop that Young just got, I will have to give it at least a D.)

-  We see a US Army Hummer pull up to the Impact Zone.  Kurt Angle is also due out, next.

-  Back on TNA and some soldiers have lined the rampway as Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring.  Angle has bulked up and his "5 o'clock shadow" look makes him look bad ass.  The soldiers are surrounding the ring and Angle is calling out Mr. Anderson.  He marks out to the army, as well as the crowd.  Angle says that Anderson has spit on them, as well, when he disrespects Angle.  He calls Anderson a bitch.  Backstage we see Mr. Anderson calling the soldiers high school dropouts.  Angle blindsides him and brings him to the ring.  Anderson is up and levels Angle with the Warrior medal.  Anderson goes to leave and the soldiers make him go back to the ring where Angle beats him up.  He tosses Anderson out of the ring and soldiers get them some of Anderson.  They throw him back in and Angle tosses him out the other side of the ring and they get a few shots in on Anderson.  They toss him back in and Angle throws Anderson to the 3rd side.  They beat up Anderson and toss him back in and Angle grabs Anderson and hits an Olympic Slam.  Angle grabs a flag and his medal and the troops hoist him on their shoulders while Angle sweats away.  We'll be right back.

-  Back on TNA and Bubba the Love Sponge is talking to Hulk Hogan.  He tells Hogan to calm down.  Earl Hebner comes in wanting a second chance.  Hogan tells him to leave and BTLS tells him to give him another shot.  Hogan tells Earl if it gets too bad to take his daughter out of the Impact Zone.

-  We see Jeff Jarrett talking to James Storm.  Storm tells Jarrett that he volunteered in a match with Jarrett for tonight.  Jarrett asks him if he forgot who gave him his shot in TNA.  Storm says "sorry 'bout 'yo damn luck".  Jarrett decks Storm and Robert Roode attacks Jarrett from behind.  Mick Foley breaks up the beat down and sends them to the ring.

MICK FOLEY IS THE REFEREE

5.  Beer Money Inc. vs.  Jeff Jarrett

-  Jarrett is getting beaten up on the outside as we come back.  They get in the ring and Jarrett mounts a comeback.  James Storm catches him in a DDT.  Are B.M.I. heels now?  Jarrett's head bounces back and forth from Roode to Storm.  Storm throws Jarrett in the Eye of the Storm.  Storm takes a sip of beer and sprays Roode by accident.  Jarrett hits him with a low blow and backdrops both men out of the ring.  On the outside, DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER!  Crowd chants "you suck" at Jarrett.  Roode hits Jarrett coming back in and knocks him into the guardrail.  Foley has had enough and grabs the barbed wire bat and throws it to Jarrett.   Jarrett goes to hit Roode, but Slick Johnson grabs the bat from Jarrett.  Roode with a low blow and DWI on Jarrett will finish it @ 3:39.  (That match was a mess!!!!  D.)

-  Backstage, Hogan is talking to Abyss and Brooke walks in.  She is worried and crying.  Hogan calms her down.  Brooke wants Hulk to promise this is her match.  He says this is it.

TONIGHT'S MAIN EVENT IS SPONSORED BY RENT-A-CENTER

NO DISQUALIFICATION

6.  Ric Flair & AJ Styles vs. Abyss & Hulk Hogan

-   Bell rings at 10:58 eastern and it's Hogan and Flair locking it up.  Flair chops Hogan, Hogan no-sells and whips Flair in and backdrops him.  On the outside, Hogan rams Flair in the guardrail.  Flair is busted open.  Hogan bites his forehead.  He pounds away on Flair and Flair is full pink.  Flair tries to chop and Hogan just chops him down.  He rams Flair's head into the guardrail and pounds away with more rights.  Flair flops on the rampway.  Abyss beats on Flair some more on the ramp.  Hogan takes off his weight belt and whips Flair.  Hogan gingerly stomps Flairs face and AJ steps away from his corner.  Ref has his back turned and Flair hits a low blow.  AJ tags in and stomps Hogan.  He works over Hogan's leg.  AJ stomps Hogan out of the ring.  Hogan is posted on the outside and blades on camera for the second time tonight.  Flair tags in and just bleeds everywhere.  He stomps Hogan and tags AJ back in.  AJ drops Hogan.  Flair back in and kicks Hogan in the ribs.  Flair is going up and, of course, press slammed down.  AJ gets the tag and here comes Abyss.  Abyss drops everyone.  Flair and AJ go for the clothesline but eats a double clothesline.  Abyss chokeslams AJ and Flair.  Abyss channels the Green Lantern and AJ kicks Abyss low.  AJ backdropped on the apron and slingshot Superman punch gets 2.  Abyss and Hogan HULK UP simultaneously.  Double big boots.  Hogan whips AJ into Abyss and BLACKHOLE SLAM will finish it off @ 7:57.  ()  Abyss and Hogan celebrate and out comes Desmond Wolfe.  He attacks with a chair and out comes the Pope.  AJ clips Pope and HERE COMES JEFF HARDY!!!  Hardy drops Flair.  Facebuster on Wolfe.  AJ eats a Twist of Fate.  Jeff goes up top for a Swanton Bomb and the screen goes black.  Show over.

FINAL THOUGHTS...

-  That show has me exhausted.  They had so much to set up for a pay per view; and did themselves no favors by spending 3/4 of the show hyping the main event.  The Jarrett segment had me baffled.  No set up, no reason as to why Foley was the referee, nothing.  Why they had Brooke whining to daddy about this being his last match had me confused too.  You know he will get in the ring with Sting or a six man tag is in the near future.  As for Flair and Hogan bleeding everywhere, Jesus.  Uncalled for.  Is that all Flair is good for now?  Chop, no-sell, blade job?  The show was light years ahead of the last two weeks, but as many have said:  TNA has a long way to go.  I am excited for next week, though.