TNA Impact

Aired January 20, 2011

The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

- It’s halftime during the Packers-Bears game, so I thought I would watch something else for a few minutes.  I have been trying to phase out doing Impact completely, because it is down right dreadful to watch these days.  But, what the hell, it’s sitting here in front of me, so…LET’S CROSS THE LINE!  (Do they still say that?)

-  Impact begins with a video showing Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle’s feud.  Karen Ang, er, Jarrett rears her head out and promises to make this week a night Kurt will never forget.

“DIRTY LAUNDRY”

-  Pulling up to the Impact Zone, Kurt Angle.  Hey look, it’s Jimmy Hart, BABY!  Angle orders producers to hit his music and he heads down to the ring.  Angle looks like he is gaining a little of his weight back.  He wants to come out and set the record straight about his marriage to Karen.  He says how great he told TNA management she was when he brought her into TNA.  he never thought she would end up with Jeff Jarrett.  He said Jarrett made this personal when he stuck everything in Angle’s face.  Jarrett can never take away Angle’s character.  Angle breaks down in tears something like Melina.  He regrets never spending enough time with his family.  he is guilty of wanting to give them everything he could.  He says either Karen and he can do things the easy or hard way.  The easy way is to part ways amicably.  Or they can do things the hard way and he can pull out every skeleton in her closet.  Out comes Team Jarrett.  They jump on the apron and Angle knocks them all off twice.  He yells for Jarrett and out walks Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  Behind them are four police officers.  They escort Kurt Angle out of the building.

-  Back on Impact.  We see what happened to Kurt angle before the break.  Jeff Jarrett and Karen Ang, dammit, Jarrett arrive at the building.  They are planning on showing all his adoring fans what kind of man Kurt Angle really is.

1.  Sarita vs.  Velvet Sky vs.  Mickie James vs.  Madison Rayne

-  Apparently, Madison Rayne is rocking a Barry Windham leather glove.  Seriously, this is her gimmick now?  And because this is free TV, let’s put the champion in there, in non-title fashion.  Mickie and Velvet with a tight lock up.  Mickie nails Madison on the apron and Velvet goes after Sarita.  Mickie and Madison is and basement dropkick by Mickie.  Madison sent into the corner and tags out to Sarita.  Mickie with a side kick and faceplants Sarita.  Velvet tags herself in and jumps on Sarita.  Lazy chop to the chest of Sarita.  Madison distracts and Sarita nails Velvet from behind.  She kicks Velvet and lays in a REAL chop.  Velvet off the ropes and hits a spinning headscissors throw.  All four ladies in and it’s a PIER SIXER!  Madison sends Mickie into the corner and Hangman Neckbreaker on Madison.  Mickie heads up to the top rope and Tara comes in and nails her in the head.  Velvet and Sarita bump heads.  Madison “loads” her glove and nails Velvet.  She acts upset for nailing her?  Don’t know why.  Mickie rolls up Madison.  Earl Hebner out of position and counts two and hesitates and Madison kicks out, but he counts three and now the match is over?!?  What the fuck?!?  Mickie gets the win @ 4:25.  (What did I just witness in a taped match on TV?  Could they not have fixed that in editing?  Match itself was a D.)

-  Backstage, Robert Roode works out while James Storm does 8 ounce curls with his beer bottles.  They vow to take out Ken Anderson and Rob Van Dam.  They cut one-liners about what they are gonna do.  Kurt Angle hasn’t gone anywheres by the way…he is still walking around the back.

-  Back on Impact.  Samoa Joe is telling Okada to keep following “him” around.

2.  ”THE FREAK” ROB TERRY (with Ric Flair) vs.  Matt Morgan

-  Flair has the mic.  This ought to be mildly entertaining.  He asks if there is a woman who would want to go home with TERRY.  He singles out 3 women in the crowd.  He calls out Matt Morgan and says there is a new man on campus.  He wants to see what Morgan has.

-  Referee rings the bell as TERRY has words with Ric Flair between the ropes.  He turns around, charges, and eats a CARBON FOOTPRINT.  Morgan wins it @ 10 seconds.  (DUD)

-  After the match, Ric Flair chops and takes shots to the gut of Morgan.  He climbs in the ring, hits the ropes and runs into Morgan.  Flair crawls to the corner and out comes Abyss.  He attacks Morgan from behind.  He misses a corner charge and runs into a discus clothesline.  Morgan with a sidewalk slam on Abyss.  Didn’t they do this feud in ’09?  TERRY up and he attacks Morgan.  They shoot Morgan off the ropes and Morgan with a double clothesline.  They clip Morgan’s knee and TERRY beats on Morgan.  TERRY pins down the legs and Abyss splashes Morgan.  Flair talks shit and gyrates to the crowd.  Double chokeslam on Morgan.  Anything else?  Now they pose down.

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

-  We see a video of TNA superstars competing in Tokyo, Japan.  Tonight on Impact:  Jeff Hardy faces Tommy Dreamer.  Also, in the main event, Mr. Anderson & RVD face Beer Money Inc.

-  Backstage, AJ Styles psyches up Kazarian as he prepares to face Jay Lethal, next.  Suddenly, AJ is attacked from behind by Crimson.  He has two weeks before “they” come.  Jesus Christ.

-  Back on TNA and Kurt Angle is walking around the back.  Is he lost?

TNA X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP

3.  Jay Lethal vs.  Kazarian

- Kaz is on the apron and he gets flipped in the ring.   Lethal hammers away and backdrops Kaz.  Kaz tries a hiptoss and Lethal cartwheels over and dropkicks him.  Lethal beats on Kaz on the outside.  Back inside and Lethal with a springboard dropkick for 2.  Kaz catches him and pops him in the face.  Spin heel kick on Lethal.  Lethal sent off and handspring back elbow connects for 2.  Kaz tries to escape and Lethal grabs his leg.  Kaz charges into a Lethal Combination.  Lethal heads up to the top rope.  Top rope elbow connects for 2.5.  Kaz rolls to the outside again.  Lethal struggles to roll him back in.  Kaz rakes the eyes.  Lethal shakes it off and a sunset flips back in.  Kaz holds the ropes and gets the win @ 4:31.  (Decent match.  Not many highspots, but they have good chemistry.  C.)

-  Backstage, Mr. Anderson is talking to RVD.  He has to face Jeff Hardy in 2 weeks, but tonight they have to focus on Beer Money.  RVD is mad he can’t get near him.  Dreamer says he will take him out for RVD and soften him up for Anderson.  Anderson heads out and Dreamer calls him an asshole.

-  Elsewhere, Karen and Jeff head towards the ring for Karen’s Expose.  Outside the arena, someone lets Kurt back in.

-  Back on Impact.  Out come the Jarretts to the ring.  Jeff talks about how great a person Karen is.  He says she is also a victim.  Karen says she had a presentation prepared for tonight.  But after hearing what Kurt said, she needs to retort.  She says after he won his medals in the Olympics, he was a lost puppy.  Up from behind comes Kurt Angle.  He German suplexes Jeff Jarrett.  Karen goes to slap him and stops.  She yells at him and backhands him.  Low blow by Double J.  He decks Angle as he tries to get up.  He helps Kurt up and kicks him in the balls.

-  Back on TNA and Kurt Angle tears up the backstage area.

4.  Tommy Dreamer vs.  Jeff Hardy

-  Bell rings and Hardy attacks.  He tries to dropkick Dreamer and Dreamer holds on to the ropes.  He clotheslines Hardy over the top to the floor.  Dreamer clotheslines him from the apron.  Dreamer beats on Hardy on the outside and heads back in.  Hardy grabs Dreamer by the arm and brings him to the floor.  Hardy brings him back in.  Dreamer holds onto the corner and gets pulled out.  Hardy with a chinlock.   Hardy breaks the hold and hits the ropes.  Dreamer clotheslines him down.  Backdrop by Dreamer.  Dreamer runs into the elbow.  Whisper in the Wind misses.  Dreamer off the 2ND rope and jumps into a boot.  Hardy attempts the Twist of Hate, but Dreamer hits the Dreamer Driver instead.  Hardy gets his foot on the ropes at 2.  Twist of Hate connects and gets the win @ 4:20.  (Nice physical match.  Got to give it up to Dreamer and Hardy plays up to being a great heel.  C+.)

-  Backstage, Kurt angle is walking the halls with a baseball bat, now.  Up next, Anderson and RVD face Beer Money.

-  Back on Impact.  The Pope is on his phone and is talking and gets interrupted.  He needs to check on some overseas transactions.  He needs to use some guy’s computer.  The guy walks off and Pope steals his computer.

-  Elsewhere, Ric Flair is with AJ Styles.  AJ wants to know who “they” are.  Flair tells them “they” is us.  Flair “ices” AJ.  Flair has been waiting for 6 months to get someone back.  AJ takes 2 sips and stops.  Kurt Angle nails AJ from behind.  Flair begs off.  Angle chokes him and promises him in a few minutes he will be in the Impact Zone.  He tells him if Jarrett isn’t there, he is coming after him.

MAIN EVENT

5.  Beer Money vs.  Rob Van Dam & Mr. Anderson

-  Bell rings and RVD starts with Robert Roode.  Roode beats him back to the corner.  RVD fights back and hits a spinning kick to the head.  Cover gets 2.  Another spin kick.  Standing Moonsault gets 2.  Rollthrough Monkey flip is turned around.  RVD off the 2ND rope and schoolboys Roode for 2.  Anderson in and clotheslines Roode.  Cover gets 2.  Roode knees him in the gut and tags in James Storm.  Anderson pounds on him and hiptosses Storm.  Anderson kicks away in the corner.  Spinning neckbreaker gets 2.  Anderson shoots him in the corner and roode clotheslines him.  Roode back in and stomps away.  Standing kneedrop gets 2.  Storm back in and decks Anderson.  Storm rakes the eyes and pounds on Anderson in the corner.  Anderson backdrops him to the apron and Storm kicks him in the back of the head.  Roode tags back in.  Roode takes out RVD.  He stomps Anderson low.  Chinlock on Anderson.  Anderson fights out and goes for the Mic Check.  Blocked and BIG TIME DDT on Roode.  HOT TAGS AROUND!  RVD with a superkick.  Another dropkick on Storm.  Roode backdropped.  RVD on the top and hits the jumping side kick.  RVD goes for Rolling Thunder and Roode grabs the leg.  Back Snapper by Storm gets 2.5.  Anderson cuts off Roode and they tumble to the floor.  Inside, RVD with a step over kick.  RVD heads up top and Roode tries to grab the leg.  RVD kicks him away.  5 Star frog Splash, but no referee.  Jeff Hardy with the distraction.  In the ring, Matt Hardy hits the Twist of Hate and Storm covers for the win @ 8:09.  (Another average match.  Nothing spectacular.  C.)

-  Backstage, Brian Kendrick is trying to talk to Bully Ray.  He is trying ot get him to manage his anger.  He tells him to try yoga.  Ray tries breathing and he slams Kendrick into the locker.  He says he can feel it working.

-  Back on Impact.  Flair is yelling at Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he is part of this.  Flair says he doesn’t live in Jarrett’s house.  Bischoff tells Jarrett he has his back and head to the back.

-  Now headed to the ring, Brother Devon.  He says since Bully Ray likes shoving people into lockers, he should come down to the ring.  Out comes Bully Ray.  He stops in the aisle and say for Devon to come to the outside.  Brian Kendrick comes out and tosses Ray into the ring.  Devon beats on him until Security break it up.  Ray, with a chain on his hand, nails Devon in the head.  He grabs a chair and places Devon’s head in it.  Ray stands over the chair and lashes the chain on the chair.  DEVON SEIZURE!  DEVON SEIZURE!

-  Headed to the ring is Kurt Angle.  Who let him back in the building?  Probably the same one that did earlier.

-  Back on Impact.  Kurt Angle is in the ring.  Out comes Jeff Jarrett and he is dressed to compete.  He sends TNA Security’s Gunner and Murphy out to the ring.  Angle beats the hell out of both of them while Jarrett watches from the aisle.  Murphy from behind and attacks Angle.  Jarrett slides in the ring and beats on Angle.  They hold up Angle while Jarrett takes shots.  Angle ducks a clothesline and takes out Security.  Angle hooks on a Rear Naked Choke.  Out comes Karen and she screams for help.  Out comes Immortal and they work over Kurt Angle.  Even AJ comes out and beats on Angle.  Out walks Abyss.  He stops and falls to his knees.  Stuck in his back is Janice.  Out walks Crimson.  He warns Immortal that “they” are coming February 3RD.  Angle is up and he jumps Ric Flair.  It takes all of Immortal to pull him out.  Angle is yelling and spitting and pointing as the show comes to an end.  Crimson sneers at Immortal from the entrance.

FINAL THOUGHTS…

-  Another WCW-looking show.  Long promo segment to start, followed by a bunch of 4 minute matches, followed by another in-ring promo at the top of the hour, then an extended match with a shoddy finish, to be completed by a stable beatdown from a “showdown” in the ring.  Of everything I saw tonight, the thing that sticks out in my head was the finish to the Knockouts Match.  What the hell?  And it’s not like this is the first time this has happened.  I have seen that same finish SO many times in the 7 years I have been watching TNA.  One final question before I depart:  Is it me, or does Matt Hardy have a little mistique to him that make you think he might do alright in TNA?  Maybe he can take over the reigns when Jeff goes off to jail.  February 3rd is when THEY2.0 happens.  Pardon me, if I am a little jaded.  Until Monday.