Michael's Impact Review #24
July 15, 2010
The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida
- We open the show with a video package from Victory Road. Red, white, and blue ropes? Nice touch.
"THEY'RE HERE?"
- Pyro kicks us off on TNA Impact, this week. Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.
- Tonight on Impact, we settle the controversy over the TNA Tag Team Titles with a best of 5 series. Match 1 tonight is a ladder match between Beer Money and MCMG. Could have sworn MCMG already won the titles at Victory Road. Also, Sarita takes on Taylor Wilde in a Street Fight. And the top ten contenders do battle when #5 Jay Lethal faces #2 Jeff Hardy.
- Here are the updated top ten contenders: 10) Rob Terry, 9) The Pope, 
Kurt Angle, 7) Hernandez, 6) AJ Styles, 5) Jay Lethal, 4) Samoa Joe, 3) Mr. Anderson, 2) Jeff Hardy, and 1) Abyss. REALLY? How long are they goning to try and shine up this turd? Seriously...it has been 8 years they have shoved this guy down our throats.
- Speak of the devil...it's Abyss. He comes to the ring with a slab of beef and his nail board. He calls out RVD and says "they" have a plan for him involving his girl (nail board). Those nights can't be romantic. He has a plan for RVD tonight, but he is waiting for last minute instructions from "them". He calls the board Janice. He says there is a dark side to her as well and slams the board into the beef repediately. Then Abyss takes a bite out of the raw meat. UNSANITARY! He says soon RVD will realize what a bitch his girl is.
- Backstage. Taylor Wilde and Sarita are beating the hell out of each other. This literally looks like the same footage from 2 weeks ago. Taylor is taking half ass shots being slammed into the wall. They do the Ahmed Johnson-Goldust-door spot, and it looks like shit. More meaningless brawling until we go to break.
STREET FIGHT
1. Taylor Wilde vs. Sarita
- So, back from the break and we see Wilde throwing a chair at Sarita in the Impact Zone. Stiff chair shot by Wilde. Taylor may have gained a couple of pounds in the off-season. Sarita throws water in the face of Wilde. Sarita crawls under the ring and attacks Wilde from behind. Worked punches galore. Sarita throws Wilde into the steps. Sarita pulls up the pads on the outside. She picks up Wilde and MORE worked punches. Sarita tries to slam her on the concrete and Wilde floats over and hits a facebuster on the chair on the outside. Sarita tries a spear off the arpon and eats a chair shot. Sarita might have broken her elbow. Dropkick takes Sarita over the guardrail into the crowd. Sarita chokes Wilde over the guardrail with a purse strap. Taz says you can get fired from some companies for doing that. Nice. Wilde passes out @ 4:35 to end this nightmare. (DUD!)
- Backstage, RVD is trying to be mean while cutting a promo on Abyss. He wants to see Abyss use his Girl tonight.
- Back on TNA, Miss Tessmacher is on the phone, she is pissed. In walks Kevin Nash. He gets stood up again on a meeting with Bischoff. He goes to leave and then makes an appointment with Miss Tessmacher for later.
I QUIT MATCH
2. Brian Kendrick vs. Douglas Williams
- Non title match, here. I will be througholy pissed if Kendrick goes over. Just a waste of writing at this point. Kendrick attack Williams and jumps on his back for a triangle choke. Williams gets free and kicks Kendrick in the corner. Kendrick won't quit. Williams sits on the back and pulls at the face of Kendirck, Kendrick up and hammers away on Williams. They meet at mid-ring and excahngeblows until Williams drops him with a forearm. Kendrick back on the back of Williams and gets him down in the corner while choking him with a boot. Sit down slingshot by Williams. Single leg crab and Kendrick gets to the ropes. Williams with a suplex and then rolls over for a gutwrench suplex. Now an Exploder Suplex. Williams takes out a white glove and paintbrushes Kendrick with it. Kendrick fights back and takes him down with a dropkick. William gets free and tries for the Chaso Theory, but Kendirck gets free and hooks in the Cobra Clutch. They drop down and Williams quits @ 4:55. (Are you fucking serious? Match was shit as well. D+.)
- Out comes Kevin Nash. This ought to be good. Kendrick, this ain't the time. Chokeslam for his troubles. Nash has the mic. He is tired of being dodged and he wants TV time. He says there will only be one of him. He is proportionate in everyway; "Miss Tessmacher, you will find that out later". He says he is a living legend. No. He says that maybe if he takes out a few of the young boys, he will get their attention. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett warns Nash he will get suspended. Jarrett says that Hogan and Bischoff are behind the young guys. Jarrett says Nash ALWAYS wants everyone's attention. Jarrett calls him an egotistical son of a bitch. I'll stop Jarrett when he says something wrong. Nash says people think he is the greatest worker in the business. Nash says he always gets his way and the money. Nash wants to know why Jarrett would take up for Hogan and Bischoff? He isn't too sure about Jarrett. He says if Jarrett doens't think Nash is the greatest worker, he should stay tuned and find out.
- Back on TNA and Nash is being hounded by the cameraman. He doesn't understand why Jarrett is defending Bischoff and Hogan. Around 10:00 tonight, Nash will have the answers.
3. Desmond Wolfe (with Chelsea) vs. #10 ROB TERRY vs. #4 Samoa Joe
- Missing COMPLETELY from the rankings, Desmond Wolfe. Bell rings and Joe stalks Wolfe. TERRY looks on. Wolfe trues to escape and TERRY drags him back in. Joe and TERRY bounce Wolfe back and forth. Now Joe and TERRY exchange blows. Joe bounces off him and kicks the thigh to take him down. Leg Lace by Joe and Wolfe drops down on him to break the hold. Wolfe attacks TERRY's knee. Joe is on th eoutside and tries ot come back in, but Wolfe keeps him out. Charging forearm by Wolfe. TERRY still can't get out the corner. Finally Wolfe comes down on the knee and brings him out. Spinning toe hold by Wolfe. Joe on the apron and gets speared off. TERRY hiptosses Wolfe across the ring. Two clotheslines and a back body drop by TERRY. Joe off the top and dropkicks TERRY. Joe grabs Wolfe and hooks in the Triangle choke and Wolfe taps out @ 4:15. (D-. Really a horrible outing. I expected more when you get Wolfe/Joe in the ring together. TERRY brought that party down big time!) After the match. Joe shakes hands with TERRY.
- Back on TNA and Ric Flair is on. Flair says once again, he will make a big announcement tonight. Because he is Ric Flair.
MATCH 1 IN THE BEST OF 5 SERIES FOR THE TNA TAG TEAM TITLES
LADDER MATCH
4. Beer Money Inc. vs. Motor City Machineguns
- Beer Money attack MCMG. Double team on Shelley in the corner. Shelley kicks Roode and goes after Storm. They grab him and try a double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley. Double suicide dive by MCMG on the outside. In comes Sabin with a ladder. Shelley headed up and Storm pulls him down. Storm puts the ladder in the corner. Roode tries to kick Shelley, he grabs the leg and takes him down. Sabin and Shelley pull the legs apart. Roode set up on the ladder and diving forearm into the corner by Shelley. Ladder set up sideways and BM crotch Sabin out of the hiptoss. Storm headed up and Shelley pulls him off and Roode dropkicks the ladder in his face. Roodeheaded up and Shelley pulls him off. Storm rams the ladder in the ribs of Alex Shelley. Two ladders on top of Shelley and they drop them on top of Shelley. Where is Sabin? Double Ladder Clothesline missed and Sabin double springboard dropkick onto BM. Sabin pushes Storm into the corner. Sets up a second ladder inside of ladder one, and tries running up but botches the spot. One ladder set up in the center of the ring and a second ladder placed between the ropes and the fist ladder to the left. Roode faceplanted on ladder 2. Shelley headed up and Storm pushes him off onto the top rope and Back Cracker on Shelley. Storm grabs Sabin and sets him up top. Superplex on the ladder attempt, Sabin fights out. Shelley slides the ladder down in the face of Storm who is tied in the Tree of Woe. CHARGING BASEMENT DROPKICK INTO THE FACE OF JAMES STORM! Roode up and, Tilt a Whirl backbreaker on Sabin. Shelley sets up a ladder between the apron and guardrail. Roode backdropped on the ladder. Splash on top of Roode by Sabin. Sabin in the ring and headed up. Storm meets him there. They knock off Storm and ttry to get back to the contract. Roode meets him up and gets knocked between the ropes and to the rampway. Chris Sabin grabs the contract for the win @ 9:13. (Kind of a lackluster ladder match. C-.) After the match James Storm breaks a beer bottle over the back of the head of Chris Sabin. WAIT, NOW JAMES STORM GRABS THE CONTRACT BEFORE IT HITS THE MAT AND THE OTHER REFEREE AWARDS THE MATCH TO BEER MONEY @ 9:26. What the fuck?
- Backstage, we see Abyss breaking a watermelon ala Gallager. He screams and eats the pieces of watermelon off the nail board.
5. Matt Morgan vs. #9 The Pope
- Morgan tries charging Pope and Pope tries a monkey flip. Pope pushed off and we have a stalemate. Morgan throws Pope into the corner by the throat. Rapidfire elbows by Morgan. Pope dives onto Pope and dropkicks him in the back. Pope with the DDD @ 1:37 beats Morgan. (DUD). Morgan up and attacks Pope. Big fallaway slam on the Pope. Carbon Footprint for his troubles. Pope put headfirst against the post. Morgan going for the Carbon Footprint again. Out comes Mr. Anderson. He acts like he is going to beat up Pope and attacks Morgan. Morgan is livid! Anderson walks over to Pope and holds out his hand. Pope nods to Anderson, but doesn't shake his hand.
- Backstage Velvet is talking to Lacey. Lacey is taking Madison Rayne's side. Velvet says she is going to put her foot up Madison's ass.
- Back on TNA and Madison Rayne. She is protesting the decision that she was stripped of her title. She says either reverse the decision or she will sue TNA for everything. Out comes Velvet and Lacey. Velvet is mad that Madison added someone to their group without consulting them. Madison said she did what she had to do. Velvet says she is going to kick her ass all over the ring. Out comes Angelina Love. She makes fun off all three ladies. Angelina says it was Velvet who attacked her. Anyone could recognize her big fake boobs, right? Velvet is appauled. Velvet has had enough and calls Madison a bitch and leaves. Madison says to give her back her title. Angelina comes into the ring. Madison decks Angelina and Angelina spears Madison. Out comes the mystery woman on the motorcycle. She attacks Angelina. Madison grabs a chair and DDT's Angelina on the chair. Angelina leaves with the lady on the motorcycle.
- Backstage is Jeff Hardy. He was Lethal and Flair's biggest fan on Sunday. But, tonight, can Lethal beat Hardy?
6. #5 Jay Lethal vs. #2 Jeff Hardy
- Bell rings and they shake hands. Headlock by Hardy and shoulderblocks Lethal down. Lethal tries a monkey flip and Hardy grabs the legs and legdrops him. Hardy on the apron and gets dropkicked off the apron to the floor. Lethal with a suicide dive on Hardy. Out comes TEAM ECW. Lethal throws Hardy back in the ring. Hardy kicks Lethal and tries to hiptoss Lethal. Lethal cartwheels out and dropkicks Heardy. Cover gets 2. Chop by Lethal and Hardy whipped to the corner and WHISPER IN THE WIND. Both men up and exchange blows. Turnoing clothesline by Hardy and double legdrop between the legs of Lethal. Hardy tries a charging dropkick and Lethal kicks him out. Lethal on the apron and springboard missle dropkick gets 2. Lethal Combination blocked and Hardy with a Twist of Fate. Swanton Bomb finishes it @ 4:27. (Good little match, but seeing TEAM ECW kind of took away from the focus. C+.)
- Back on TNA, Ric Flair is in the ring. He is joined by AJ Styles and Kazarian. He announces they are the first two members of Fortune. Out comes Desmond Wolfe. He says he deserves to be in Fortune. Out comes Abyss. Ring clears. Abyss yells for RVD to come to him.
- He says it is now time for him to reveal the plans "they" have for him. He says "they" have instructed him get the TNA title off of RVD. He proposes a match where they hang "Janice" above the ring and have the most extreme match in the history of professional wrestling. RVD cracks Abyss with the belt to the face. Spin heel kick to Abyss and mounts him the corner. Tries to Monkey Flip Abyss and Abyss big boots RVD. Chokeslam on RVD. Out walks Mick Foley. Suddenly, in comes TEAM ECW and they attack Abyss. TNA Securuty come out and get wasted. Now TNA wrestlers comes out and get laid out. More Security and referees gets laid out. Out comes Desmond Wolfe and Brian Kendrick; they get tossed. Out comes more TNA officials and they do nothing. RVD turns and helps out TEAM ECW. Al Snow and Pat Kenney comes out to help TEAM ECW. Out comes D-Von to help ECW. Here comes Jeff Jarrett. Dixie Carter grabs the microphone. And says she invited them. Show is over.
FINAL THOUGHTS...
- Entertainment wise, great show. Wrestling wise, THE SHITS! I said a week ago that this PPV (Victory Road) would answer all these questions, or make more. Well, they hyped up this big angle and even more questions come out of this, instead. I will drive by slowly and take a look at this car wreck, but how long will TNA string us along. Money in the Bank review coming later.
Well this wasn’t horrible, but I’m skeptical about the big angle. I know it’s just started but this needs to be something short term. If they try to make it a long angle, this is going to go very bad very fast.
I will seriously mark out if Joel Gertner shows up on their PPV.
“Hey look, we have a Nexus angle too! We’re totally better than WWE!!!”
In their defense, from what I understand this angle was planned long before the Nexus angle in WWE, but the holdup with the Heyman negotiations has held it up. Not that I think a rehash of ECW is riveting TV, but it’s not really a copy of the Nexus angle.
The problem is that it came out just after Nexus. When it was planned doesn’t mean anything. What’s TNA supposed to do: come out shouting “We thought of that first?” It’s all well and good that TNA got the idea first, but at the end of the day it’s going to come off as looking like a WWE copy to the vast majority of the fans.
absolutely. I’m just saying that they weren’t in fact copying it. But that doesn’t change how it looks to fans who don’t know the behind the scenes stuff. Thankfully for TNA, I think the majority of their audience is full of net people. Sadly though, it will come off as a copy to any random WWE, non internet scouring fan who flips over on Thursday night. And all that is beside the point since an ECW rehash is just silly anyways.
I know about the behind the scenes stuff (well to the extent that we can actually claim to know at least) and I still see it as a knockoff. As soon as Nexus did their thing and did it incredibly well, this should have been scrapped. Even with Heyman this should have been scrapped. Has no one in TNA ever watched One Night Stand? That show was greatness and there is no way TNA can top it. They want to do an old school ECW style show, but there’s one flaw with that: the original ECW PPVs were rarely good.
The more they shift gears and attempt to reinvent their product, the more TNA tells the remaining fanbase, “Year, everything we’ve been doing sucks, but THIS is going to be great!” At some point, even the biggest marks are going to give up on them.
“I will seriously mark out if Joel Gertner shows up on their PPV.”
That’s the only way I’d start watching TNA.
Like him or hate him…Kevin Nash is still one of the best talkers in all of wrestling. the guy can cut a vicious heel promo, he can cut a funny promo.
Nash is really underrated, he is a multi-dimensional wrestler, he works well either as a good guy, bad-ass, heel, comic, etc. I could get into a Jeff Jarret vs Kevin Nash match or feud. They alwys worked well together anyway.
MCMG as the tag team champions looks a little strange, but I can dig that.
Now, if TNA can sign up Bryan Danielson and pair him up with Desmond Wolfe and let’s have a Danielson/Wolfe vs MCMG…OH MY GOD!
Predictions (I have no info):
Shelton Benjamin will be in TNA
Bryan Danielson will be in TNA
Awesome Kong will return to TNA
Is that you elvy?
I know it was tough on Elvy to be sent back to the IWC equivalent of FCW for repackaging by Dr. Scott Keith, but his character had gotten stale and the blog just “didn’t have anything for him.” I’m interested in seeing of how his new persona of “alecsmith” does. But what I’m really looking forward to is when he finally breaks down, answers the masses, and breaks out a BEST. IMPACT. EVER. The place will erupt like it’s Austin entering at WM17 all over again…figuratively speaking of course.
F4W is reporting that Sacrifice and Slammiversary only drew 8000 buys a piece. Compare that with WCW Greed, which drew about 40000 buys. Feel the profit.