Michael’s Impact Review #6

February 11, 2010

The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

-  Sorry, this isn’t showing up until now…snow in South Carolina doesn’t happen everyday.  Apparently the internet wasn’t prepared for it, either.  Onto the show!

-  The recent story of Mick Foley and Eric Bischoff and Kevin Nash and 6 Pac and Scott Hall is reviewed in an opening video.

"HULK’S MOMENT OF TRUTH"

-  Pyro rains from above and BOOM, let’s cross the line.  We have the two more 8 Card Stud Qualifying Matches tonight.  Apparently the last two spots will remain open and will be filled this Sunday.  Your hosts are FTW 13 and The Professor.

-  Let’s kick it off with Hulk Hogan.  Hogan starts off by welcoming everyone to "their" Impact Zone.  He then uses the phrases "getting his swag on" and "getting his pump on" in simultaneous sentences.  He says TNA is the place to be.  This reminds me of when Jerry Lawler used to pump up the crowd before shows after 9/11.  Hogan says that security has surrounded the Impact Zone so Hall and Pac can’t get in.  It’s on "full lockdown McGuiliicutty".  Nice BTLS reference.  Hogan doesn’t like the liberties that Pac took on Nash last week.  I, for one, did.  Hulk says that if Pac and Hall want to show up, he might need to put on the red and yellow, again.  Out comes Eric Young?  Crowd chants "underrated".  Young says that Nash and he are friends and Young needs a favor.  He wants Hall and Pac re-instated.  Hogan cuts him off.  Hogan says he knows what time it is blows smoke up Young’s ass.  He says the reason he came to TNA was for guys like Young.  Hogan refuses to let Hall and Pac in the building.  Young says he respects Hogan.  He says since Hogan won’t let them in, he is going to find them.  Hogan says for Young to take them off the property and bust them up real bad. 

-  Backstage, Mick Foley is looking for Eric Bischoff. 

-  Back on TNA and we see Hall and Pac trying to sneak in the building.

8 Card Stud Qualifying Match

1.  Orlando Jordan vs. The Pope

-  Jordan’s music comes straight from a Sony "My First" Keyboard.  Apparently the Pope wasn’t 100% when he jobbed to OJ 2 weeks ago.  That’s how they justify putting Jordan over?  Or is that back-pedaling so they don’t bury the Pope?  Bell rings and we are underway.  Crowd marks out to Pope.    Lock up goes to a stalemate.  Pope goes behind and works OJ’s arm.  OJ punches out and irish whips Pope and Pope hits a couple of arm drags.  Pope hits some animated elbows and OJ goes down.  OJ ducks out between the ropes and hits a cheap shot and a chop block takes out Pope.  OJ with a beautiful drop kick.  OJ stomps away and Pope comes back with a STIFF shot.  OJ answers with a spinning neck breaker.  OJ drills Pope with a wind up uranage.  Crowd thinks he still sucks.  OJ measures Pope and misses a clothesline.  Pope drops him with a series of offensive maneuvers.  Pope nails the Coronation and runs back in for a 2.  OJ answers with a spinebuster.  He gets a 2.  OJ talks smack while Pope gets up in the corner  and Pope answers with several shots and OJ is face first in the corner.  POPE EXPRESS will do it @ 4:46 as The Pope advances to the tournament.  (C+.  Pope always delivers, but OJ didn’t have much to offer while controlling the match.  OJ does, indeed, suck.)

-  Backstage, Jeff Jarrett is in Bischoff’s office.  Jarrett recalls all the events of his match with Ken Anderson from 2 weeks ago.  Bischoff can’t remember a match in the last 10 years he was into that much.  Bischoff says he has underestimated Jarrett.  Jarrett wants one of the open slots in the tournament.  Bischoff says he needs to protect Jarrett and can’t let him in the tournament.  He tells Jarrett to get back in the gym (Haha!) and focus.  His answer is no.  Bischoff laughs like a prick and we’ll be right back.

8 Card Stud Qualifying Match

2.  Suicide vs. Matt Morgan

-  So does anybody see a potential Morgan/Hernandez showdown somewhere in this tournament?  And speaking of Morgan, it’s DNA everywhere plus an explosion.  The guy in the white glasses with the Beer Money Inc shirt on hurts my eyes as he dances to Morgan’s music.  Bell sounds and they lock up.  Suicide climbs up in the lock up to the top and leap frogs Morgan and kicks his legs.  Suicide jumps into a fallaway slam.  Morgan backs him in the corner and a barrage of elbows.  Morgan follows up with a corner splash.  Morgan hits a top rope jumping guillotine.  Suicide escapes through the ropes and hits a springboard missile drop kick for a 1.  Suicide jumps out of a choke slam and runs into a CARBON FOOTPRINT @ 2:17 as Matt Morgan advances to the tournament.  (D-.  Suicide did some major over selling to put over Morgan.)

-  Backstage, Mick Foley walks into Eric Bischoff’s office.  Foley says he will do whatever Bischoff wants so that JB and Abyss will not be fired.  Bischoff says Abyss will be in the 8 Card Stud Tournament against Mick Foley.  Foley accepts and goes to leave before Bischoff stops him.  He says that he needs to get rid of the Cactus Jack flannel gimmick.  Also, if they plan to have an shenanigans, Bischoff will unmask Abyss on the next Impact.  We’ll be right back.

-  Back on TNA and we have the bracket for the 8 Card Stud Tournament.  It is:

The Pope vs. Desmond Wolfe, Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan, Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson, and Abyss vs. Mick Foley.

-  Backstage, Christy Hemme is with Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson.  Anderson calls her Kristen.  He says his back has been broken 5 times and he doesn’t care that he has to team with Kurt Angle.  He will be the next TNA Champion….Champion.  Angle says he will be watching him and he threatens to snap Anderson’s ankle if he screw him tonight.  Anderson acts all smug and his microphone drops from the ceiling and yells his name.  ~~ANDERSON~~!

-  Back to TNA and Kurt Angle is backstage talking to Eric Young.  He tells him not to go after Pac and Hall.  Angle tells him to stay in the back and he will go get them. 

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH

3.  Amazing Red ( What, no Don West?!?)  vs.  Doug Williams

-  Bell rings and Williams goes for the leg and eats an enziguiri.  Red hits a low dropkick to the head.  One more dropkick and Williams has to try real hard to flip out the ring.  Red goes for a plancha, jumps to the apron, sunset flips in, and Williams attempts a Boston Crab.  Red flips him over and gets 2.  Red hits the ropes and Williams hits a sit out.  Williams covers and gets 2.  Williams works the arm and turns it into a chinlock.  Williams lets him looses and hits a jumping knee drop and gets 2.  Williams hits a running knee in the corner and heads up top.  Red hits a spin wheel kick to the back of the head and Williams goes outside.  RED WILL FLY, CORKSCREW STYLE.  Red hits a missle drop kick and gets a 2, back inside.  Red hits a double kick and a spin kick gets another 2.  Red goes for a huricarana, Williams turns him on his shoulders, Red jumps off, ducks down with a roll up and gets a 2.  Turning spin wheel kick to the back of the head again.  Red goes up top and misses a senton, Williams moves from the charge and posts Red’s shoulder.  ROLLING CHAOS THEORY will win it for Williams @ the 4:46 mark.  (C.  Red is great in the ring, but I can only see so many spin wheel kicks.)

-  Back on TNA, we see a video showing the saga that is the Beautiful People and Tara and Angelina Love.  Backstage, Christy Hemme is with Tara and Angelina.  Angelina says there is a lot of history and the past is the past.  She has Tara’s back.  Tara says tonight will get ugly for the Beautiful People.

HANDICAP MATCH

4.  The Beautiful People vs. Angelina Love & Tara

-  Tenay and Taz pop rods as the Beautiful People make their infamous entrance.  Love does the same and Taz wants to start hanging out with the second rope.  Fair enough.  Velvet and Tara start.  Angelina tags in and Velvet bails.  Angelina decks Lacey and Madison.  Velvet brings her down on the top rope and beats on Angelina’s head.  Velvet chokes and stomps away.  Angelina goes to kick Velvet on the irish whip and Madison comes in.  She eats the turnbuckle and Tara comes in on a sunset flip and gets 2.  Tara hits a rolling suplex into a guillotine.  She pulls Madison off the ropes and slaps her right out of the ring.  Tara and Angelina hits a double baseball slide into all three of the Beautiful People.  WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK! 

Back on TNA at the 6:53 mark as Madison goes on the offensive.  Velvet tags in and beats on Tara in the corner.  She stands on her hair and tags in Lacey.  Lacey hits a moonsault into an elbowdrop?!?!  Madison back in they hit a double clothesline on each other.  Here comes Angelina and Velvet.  Angelina clears house.  She spears Velvet and covers, but Lacey breaks it up.  Tara comes in and Madison hops on her back.  Angelina drops Velvet with a superkick.  Cover but no referee.  Lacey in and hits her with the Ugly Stick.  Velvet rolls over and gets the win @ 9:27.  (D+.  Beautiful People make it look so difficult.)

-  Backstage Desmond Wolfe is with Christy Hemme.  Wolfe says that life is like a poker game with the four being like a four of a kind.  He runs down Kurt Mangeled, Super Maxy Pad, and Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.wait for it.  He cuts a pretty good promo saying he will end up on top.  Christy is smitten. 

-Pac and Hall are still trying to get in the Impact Zone.

MAIN EVENT

5.  Desmond Wolfe & Hernandez vs. Mr. Anderson & Kurt Angle

-  Anderson announces himself, breathing real heavy and keeps it short.  Thank god.  I really hate this guy, so either his character is really good, or really lame.  Angle comes out and looks like he has gained some weight this week.  Anderson and Hernandez start.  Anderson starts with kicks and Hernandez drops him.  He throws him across the ring with his shirt.  Border Toss attempt and Anderson drops down and tags in Angle.  Angel works the arm and Hernandez reverses.  Wolfe kicks Angle down.  Wolfe tags in and works Angle’s arm.  Angle shoots him off and hits a German suplex.  Hernandez slingshot shoulder blocks back in.  Hernandez with a body vice and drops to his knees and releases Angle.  Cover gets 2.  Wolfe back in and Angle mounts a comeback.  He runs to the ropes and Wolfe catches him with a running knee.  He goes back to work on Angle’s arm.  Angle rolls out and gets the Ankle lock.  Wolfe taps, but the ref is distracted by Angle.  Hernandez back in and Angle charges the corner with a clothesline.  Hernandez up top and Angle meets him with a overhead suplex.  Both men down. Angle goes to tag Anderson, but Anderson takes his arm back.  Wolfe in and Angle clotheslines him.  Angle suplexes Wolfe overhead.  Wolfe answers with a hammerlock drop and gets 2.  Tower of London attempt and Angle turns it into an Angle slam.  Straps down and Anderson tags in, throws Angle out of the ring and covers Wolfe for the win @ 6:12.  (C+.  Good way to set up the tournament.)  Joe is headed to the ring, we’ll be right back. 

-  Back on TNA and Samoa Joe makes his way out to the ring.  He calls out AJ Styles.  AJ comes out in a suit and glasses.  He looks very Tully Blanchard.  Joe is disgusted by AJ.  Joe says they are the two greatest superstars today.  He can’t stand the fact that AJ is doing things the way he does.  AJ took a shortcut and threw everything away.  Flair says AJ is the champ and Joe will learn the word, respect.  Joe says Flair can try to teach him respect, but he will be limping his ass to the hospital.  Joe says AJ cheated all the fans.  AJ says that Joe has turned more coats than the dry cleaners…OOOH!  Sick burn.  AJ reiterates he is the champ.  Joe say the difference between he and AJ that Joe stood up to all the newcomers, while AJ kissed their asses.  AJ has had enough and runs into the ring.  Joe chops him down.  He goes for the Muscle Buster and Flair hits a thunderous low blow on Joe.  AJ and Flair go to work and the bell rings for some reason.  Flair tells the refs to shut up and leaves the ring with AJ.  Flair woooos as they leave the ring. 

-  Back on TNA, AJ is with Eric Bischoff.  Bischoff asks AJ if he is proud of himself.  AJ dances and says that it was phenomenal.  Bischoff names himself as the guest referee for the TNA Heavyweight Title match at Against All Odds.  Speaking of Against All Odds, here is the card:

8 Card Stud Tournament

1.  Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson

2.  Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

3.  Desmond Wolfe vs. The Pope

4.  Abyss vs. Mick Foley

Also..

5.  The Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D

6. TNA World Title:  Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles with Eric Bischoff as the Referee

-  In the back, Kurt Angle heads outside and is stopped by Hulk Hogan.  Hogan says it ain’t happening.  Angle says he knew Hogan was two-faced.  Hogan says if it’s going to happen, he is gonna let it happen in his house.  Angle heads to the ring. 

-  Back on TNA, Angle is in the ring and he is calling out Hogan, Pac, and Hall.  Pac enters and Angle owns him.  Hall tries to come in and Angle cuts him off.  Angle has the Ankle lock on Hall and Pac drops Angle with brass knuckles.  They go to work on Angle with the knucks.  Hulk Hogan makes his way out to the ring.  He gives Pac and Hall the wolfpack sign and tells them to lift Angle.  Hogan puts on the knuckles and knocks out Hall and Pac.  Angle gets up and looks at Hogan as he throws down the knuckles to Angle.  Show over.

FINAL THOUGHTS….

Good show, I must say.  They set up every match in the tournament and the world title match.  They didn’t show Team 3D or the Nasties, but I think I will let that slide.  Interesting on how the tournament ends up.  I think that somehow, the Pope wins the whole thing.