Michael's Impact Review #5
February 4, 2010
Orlando, Florida - The Impact Zone
- Apparently a little bit of hate and a few mistakes, on my end, during last week's recap. "Needed Nash"? Really!?!?
"THE BREAKING OF THE BAND"
- Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.
- Let's cross the line, shall we? Pyro explodes from the ceiling and BOOM. Tonight we have 2 more qualifying matches in the 8 Card Stud Tournament.
8 Card Stud Qualifying Match
1. Brutus Magnus vs. Mr. Anderson
- Anderson stops in the aisle way to announce himself to the ring. Anderson licks the mic as he makes his introductions. He says that Hulk Hogan said he was the future of wrestling, so it must be true. ~~ANDERSON~~! Taz blames Jeff Jarrett's loss due to lack of cardiovascular conditioning. Ok. Brutus hammers away on Anderson in the corner to start. Anderson has enough and drops Brutus and elbows him down. Anderson calls spots on TV and throws Brutus into the turnbuckle. Fans clap away, I'm not sure if they are pulling for Brutus or not. Brutus mounts a comeback with a jumping turning elbow. Brutus scoops him up in a fireman's carry and Anderson rakes his eyes. He gets free and nails the MIC CHECK for the win @ 2:35. (DUD. It was a glorified squash.)
- Backstage, Mick Foley pulls up in a faded painted car. According to Mike Tenay, Mick Foley's deadline to answer Eric Bischoff is tonight. We'll be right back.
- Backstage it's Christy Hemme with Kurt Angle. Angle doesn't comment on his 8 Card Stud Qualifying match with Tomko. He wants to talk about Hulk Hogan being behind his attack from last week. If he gets attacked again, he is coming for Hogan. Tonight's card: Tara vs. Angelina Love for the Knockout Title; TNA Tag Titles on the line when Team 3D face Matt Morgan and Hernandez; and for the TNA Heavyweight Title, it's AJ vs. The Pope.
- Eric Bischoff makes his way down to the ring. He says that Hogan made it clear that Mick Foley and he had to get on the same page. Bischoff says if he doesn't, it will cost him very dearly. Out comes Mick Foley. Foley rocking an old leather vest with fringe. Foley says it's his reputation to be a little unbalanced in wrestling. He says people try to get him to talk bad about people like Marcus Bagwell, Paul Heyman, and Jim Hellwig. He says when it comes to Bischoff, he hates his guts. He says he gave everything to this business and Bischoff walked in and took it away. Taz makes a crack about Mike Adamle. Cute. Bischoff says it is not about Foley and he, it is about his decision he has to make. Foley says it is. Foley recalls about how frugal he was so he didn't have to answer to idiots like Bischoff. He was gonna walk until he looked at his hands where he wrote the names of JB and Abyss. Foley says Bischoff doesn't care about what makes TNA tick. Bischoff says the power and control make him tick. Since Foley doesn't want to get on the same page with him, he is going to write the next chapter. Foley says he hasn't learned anything since WCW. Foley says he promised his wife he wouldn't stand for that so he walks off. Bischoff says Foley has to face Kevin Nash in a No Disqualification match tonight. He says he is a "tit-for-tat- kind of guy" and yells titty tatty titty tatty titty tatty. I pull at my hair like Abyss after that. Low and behold it's Abyss and JB backstage. Abyss is worried and JB says he is just there for his last check. He already has seen by working with Bischoff before. Pretty good segment.
- Back on TNA and Christy Hemme is with Tara. Tara says that since coming back Angelina Love is a different person, blah blah blah, a lot of ass kissing.
TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
2. Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez
- Taz says that it feels like NIght of Champions here. Wow. Brother Ray aka Curly Howard enters with a vengeance. Out come Hernandez and Morgan drops his DNA on the ground. Ray starts with Hernandez. Ray holds onto a headlock and Hernandez escapes and drops him. Ray hits a corner splash. Hernandez kicks him low and backflips up to the top and Ray slams him down. Ray drops an elbow and gets a 2. D-Von tags in and hammers away. No-selling by Hernandez and tags in Morgan. D-von hits a clothesline and drops a leg and gets 1. Morgan no-sells and hits a tornado clothesline for 2. Hernandez back in and wrenches down on D-Von's neck. D-Von elbows out and runs into Hernandez and he covers for 2. Hernandez sets up a superplex and D-Von fights out by biting Super Mex. Head butt from the top and both men are down. Ray comes in with fist a flying and Morgan catches him with elbows. Ray with a German Suplex. Hernandez comes in and gets dropped. Dropping neck breaker on Morgan gets 2. Hernandez eats a double elbow. They set up the WHATS UP and the Nasty Boys dump D-Von off the top. Hernandez grabs Ray and Morgan connects with the CARBON FOOTPRINT @ 5:05 for the win. (C-. Not bad at all. You actually felt like Team 3D had a chance here. Morgan and Hernandez kept up with them very well. Finish was shitty, but I can't fault them too much.) The Nasties set up to do some damage with chairs and Morgan and Hernandez run in to save them. Team 3D get up and pump fists with the champions.
3. Jesse Neal vs. Samoa Joe
- Tenay notes that Neal was a survivor of the USS Cole. Taz notes that sounded like a "vintage" ship. HAHA. Neal attacks Joe and Joe throws him away with a T-Bone Suplex. Joe beats the hell out of Neal from each corner. Joe no-sells all offense until he rakes the eyes. He jumps up to the second rope and goes for a high cross body and Joe walks away. Joe slaps the face of Neal and hits a running knee. He picks up Neal for the MUSCLE BUSTER, points to the camera and yells "AJ" and drops Neal for the win @ 2:07. (Dud.)
- Christy Hemme catches up with Hogan and tells him what Kurt Angle said. Hogan says he will be backstage waiting for him.
NON TITLE MATCH
4. The Pope vs. AJ Styles (with Ric Flair)
- Taz yells "Welp...here comes the Pope!". Taz is killing me tonight with the one-liners. Flair make AJ stop and wait for the ropes to be held. Pope works the arm to start. AJ backs him up and chops him in the corner. Pope slaps him away and hits the drop toe hold. Pope hits some animated elbows and back body drops AJ. AJ bails to the outside and at 1:10, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!!!
Back on TNA at the 3:12 mark with AJ beating on the Pope. Wait, oh, that was a teaser. We'll be right back.
Back on TNA at the 4:26 mark and AJ chops away at Pope. AJ connects with the high drop kick. AJ stomps away at the Pope and slingshots him underneath the bottom rope. AJ and Pope trade chops and AJ drops him. AJ holds onto a chin lock. AJ hits a snap suplex and gets a 1. AJ hammers away and as he picks up Pope, Pope hits a sunset flip for 2. AJ gets up and drills Pope with the elbow. Back to the chin lock, as Pope gets the crowd going. He tries to elbow out and AJ throws him back down. Pope comes back drops AJ with a big left. Flying cross body gets 2. AJ turns around and hits the Pele. Flair talks shit to Pope and AJ misses a charge. AJ falls on the rope and Pope misses the running guillotine. AJ measures Pope and picks up Pope for a suplex. Pope with a small package and gets the win @ 9:55! (C. I know they are trying to tell a story with AJ limiting his offense and being more like Flair, but it took away from this stellar match.) AJ and Flair attack Pope until Samoa Joe runs out. Flair loses his hand in Joe's chest with a chop and Joe no-sells. Pope and Joe clean house until Security breaks it up and Taz yells PANDEMONIUM! Oh, that Taz.
- Back on TNA, and a wild-haired Ric Flair yells at Pope and Joe. He talks a heap of shit to them until Joe grabs the mic. Joe says he will stop the rest of Nature out of Flair's ass. He says AJ gave up everything for an over-priced suit and some hookers. He wants to remind AJ how to be a champion. He is cashing in his title shot at Against All Odds. Joe's chest is LIT UP!
- Backstage Angelina Love is with Christy Hemme. Angelina is expecting the Beautiful People to run-in. Well thanks for ruining it. Love is awesome at getting revenge.
- Backstage is Kevin Nash with Eric Young. Bischoff walks in and kicks him out. Bischoff wants Nash to destroy Mick Foley. Nash says he will do him his favor if Pac and Hall can get contracts. Bischoff says they are screw-ups and if Nash doesn't like that tune, he can join them. We'll be right back.
- Backstage Christy Hemme is with Mick Foley. Foley talks about getting a new pair of sneakers for Christmas and using them tonight. He recalls how Nash sent him cross country looking for Jeff Jarrett. Abyss runs in and gets worried. Foley says not to worry and for Abyss not to interfere. Abyss promises.
8 Card Stud Qualifying Match
5. Tomko vs. Kurt Angle
- Tomko comes out looking like Jesse Neal's uncle with a drinking problem. Bell rings and Angle starts with a German Suplex. Tomko boots him and Angle headbutts him. He clothesline Tomko out of the ring. Back in and Tomko catches a deep powerslam. Tomko runs in with a clothesline to the corner. Angle charges the corner and shoulder first meets the post. Tomko gets a 2 and clamps down on a chinlock. Angle elbows out and runs into a tree trunk slam. Tomko on the top (?) and Angle runs up and throws him off. Angle hits the rolling Germans. Tomko elbows out of the third. Angle hits an Angle Slam and Tomko half-assed kicks out at 2. Tomko gains back control and misses a running boot. Angle hits 5 rolling Germans and clamps down on the ANKLE LOCK. Tomko taps out @ 4:30. (C. Actually an alright match.)
- Back on TNA and we see pictures from the TNA Tour of Europe. Then we see a video package of Mick Foley looking for Jarrett. Backstage we see Kevin Nash with Hulk Hogan. Nash is pleading for Pac and Hall getting a second chance. Hogan tells him to distance himself from them. And how's aboot one more video package. This one of the Beautiful People and Angelina Love.
TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE
6. Angelina Love vs. Tara (with spider)
- Place your bets on the run-in time. Bell rings and Tara grabs a side headlock takeover. Angelina rolls her up for a 1. Angelina gets a head scissors and Tara bridges out and goes for a backslide. Time for a break @ 1:08, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
Back on TNA at the 4:30 mark as Angelina rolls over in a wrist lock on Tara. Blurred shot of Tara's chest, so use your imagination there. Tara misses a corner charge and Angelina rolls her up for a 2. Tara comes back and slams her down for 2. Love misses a boot, Widow's Peak attempted, Angelina rolls through, and Tara rolls her up for the win @ 6:18. (C-. Solid match. They looked kind of out of place in a few spots.) Beautiful People run in and beat down Angelina. Tara cleans house and allows Angelina gets up. Velvet is caught between the two, but manages to escape. What is going on? Does Tara have the word FUCK written across her chest?
- Backstage, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman wander around the backstage area. Hilarity should ensue.
- Back on TNA and Kurt Angle is yelling at Hogan in his office. Hogan says his temper is Angle's problem. He says he has heard about his temper costing him many opportunities. Angle says he has heard of horror stories about how Hogan does business. Hogan kicks him out of his office,
MAIN EVENT
NO DISQUALIFICATION
7. Mick Foley (with barbed wire bat) vs. Kevin Nash (with shopping cart full 'o goodies)
- Nash looks like the old guy you get stuck behind at the grocery store and can't walk around. Bell rings and Foley swings away with the bat while Nash blocks the shots with the garbage can. Nash grabs a chair and tries the same again. Nash catches him low with a hockey stick. Nash grinds the barbed wire across Foley's face. Foley hits a trick knee. Foley hits a running elbow. Taz notes that the trick knee could separate the "yam bags from the cochsis". Wow. Foley has a picture and hesitates to use it. Nash hits the BIG BOOT@ 2:12 for the win. (DUD) Foley didn't use the picture because it was the caricature of he and JB. Hall and Pac make their way down to the ring and attack KEVIN NASH. They leave Foley and Nash laying as the show comes to an end.
FINAL THOUGHTS...
I actually liked how they answered some question that were hanging around this week. Bischoff, like him or not, actually has good chemistry with Mick Foley on a mic. Taz's numerous WWE cracks had me chuckling. But after a while, they got old. Good to see that they did not bury Joe and gave him a title shot at AAO. Unfortunately it kind of took the wind out of the sails from the Pope. The storyline with the Band took an interesting turn, but if Hall and Pac are "embarrassed" to wrestle, where does this go from here. And as I write this, and I hear "Blue Mountain State" in the background, I have heard enough adult language in the opening 3 minutes to make me blush. With that being said....see you next week.
Not a bad show. Taz’s comments seemed a little forced but came off somewhat funny. One could argue that the Cole one was inappropriate considering what happened on the USS Cole.
Tara has “poison” written across her chest when she came out and the blur showed up halfway through the match. Maybe a nip popped out or something.
I was actually looking forward to the Foley/Nash match, but seeing that the entrances didn’t start until 10:54pm EST I lost all confidence in it being at all entertaining.
And can Tomko look any worse? Just pear shaped and grossly out of shape.
Any show that ends in 2010 on Nash, Hall and Syxx is fail.. It is actually pathetic that guys like this are getting continuous airtime and Desmond Wolfe doesn’t even get any airtime.
The wrestling was decent on the show but overall TNA feels like a mess a political bullshit mess.
WWE around this time of year is untouchable but even some mildly good booking by the WWE is exposing how second rate TNA really is.
Well the Hogan experiment can almost be called a failure at this point. Ratings have progressively decreased over the last 3 shows. This is typical of shows built around nostalgia. You get that bump in which the people want to see the old stars and then, after a couple of weeks, they realize that they are old, slow, fat and can’t bring it anymore (not that some of these guys could ever bring it). Topple that with the Orlando Jordan’s and Nasty Boys’ of the world and here we are.
In fact, the show still feels like a Russo show. Of course, he’s still writing even though we were told repeatedly by E & H that there would be “major changes to the writing” approach.
Pathetic. It’s not that I want every show headlined by Joe or Daniels or AJ; but these shows are hard to watch, at least for me.
But, TNA’s big problem was never the good wrestling, but good wrestling does not mean good ratings or buyrates (I only say ROH).
What tna needs is more stars and bigger arenas.
Its been a month. Calm it down.
If this show becomes too much to bear, you might want to transfer to Smackdown. It’s getting damn good again and, instead of watching Nash, Hall and Syxx in the main event, you can watch Edge, Jericho and Punk.
Absolutely… It was EPIC markage when I saw those 3 together cutting promos at the same time!