Scott's Blog of Doom

Another round of DVD reviewage from Charlie Reneke...

Since you're not doing this series (and considering Saturday Night's Main Event is on it's way, can't blame you), might as well let you use the rest of the reviews.  By the way, since I know you're a big Owen Hart fan and also an atheist, I advise you to not read my review of Russo/Booker, as hearing Vince Russo's excuse for Over the Edge could make your blood boil at unhealthy levels.  Seriously, pissed me off just writing it down.

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Legends of Wrestling: Heatseekers
Review by Charlie Reneke
http://5star.yuku.com
Panel discussion features Jerry Lawler, Michael Hayes, Mick Foley, and Eric Bischoff. Subject is guys who have heat in the locker room.
-They start with Michael Hayes. Jim Ross explains how Hayes really never stayed too long in any territory. Lawler tells a story about burning Hayes' hair with a fireball. This leads to the biggest temper-tantrum Lawler had ever heard in the business. Lawler then points out that despite this, Hayes wouldn't be on list. Tell that to Mark Henry.  Besides, if he doesn't belong on the list, why did they spend any time talking about him?  That's the problem with these panels, they go off on wild tagents that eat up time that could be spent discussing more entertaining subjects.
-Hayes names Lex Luger the biggest heat seeker ever. He got along with him fine, because they had similar taste in music. But Hayes felt Luger acted bigger then the boys. Hayes does credit Luger with getting better treatment and paydays for the wrestlers. Lawler says Luger wasn't one of the boys. Hayes argues that Luger was a better wrestler in his prime then anyone gives him credit for. Bischoff talks about his experience with Luger, saying that he carried himself with arrogance and acted like everyone else were pee-ons. Lawler wonders if it was his football background that made him like that. Foley says he believes anyone who was a big heat seeker likely didn't grow up a fan of the business. Bischoff takes it a step further and says he believes Luger was ashamed to be a wrestler. Bischoff says when Luger jumped to WCW from WWE in 1995, he didn't want him so he low-balled him on an offer. To his surprise, Luger took it. Foley comes to Luger's defense, crediting him for letting working at his gym for free and saying he was actually a good wrestler in early 90s. Hayes talks about his miracle match with Nikita Koloff, which everyone thought would be an abortion so the boys in the locker room gathered around the monitors to watch it, and they ended up having a good match.
-Jim Ross tries to turn to Buff Bagwell, but Foley interrupts with a total go-nowhere Goldberg story that takes five minutes of an hour-long program to tell. He already told the story in his book. It wasn't funny then. It wasn't funny now. So they move onto Goldberg instead of Buff, who I would love to see get chewed out. Hayes and everyone else agrees that he's a nice guy away from the business, but had a bad attitude during his WWE run. Hayes tells Bischoff he doesn't think Goldberg fully appreciated what WCW did with him. When he got to the WWE and they had other big stars, he got pissy and was mean to everyone. Bischoff says he dealt with the same thing. Goldberg is his friend, but he would rather chew his leg off then work with him. Bischoff says he pushed him too fast, just like the WWE did with some other guys. He believes Goldberg never understood the business, and that the parasites got into his ears. Jim Ross says he thinks Goldberg didn't have a good aptitude for the business. Hayes calls out the Outsiders and Hulk Hogan for getting in Goldberg's ear and manipulating his views of the business.
-Lawler calls to talk about someone nobody likes: Paul Heyman. Foley says he likes him. Lawler groans. We hear a story about Lawler breaking Heyman's jaw, which he claims was on purpose. Lawler built up a scaffold match and promoted Heyman getting thrown off of it. Heyman was cool with this, until the day of the show, when he chickened out. Lawler was pissed and punched him out a couple days later over it. Foley outs Paul Heyman as the one who went around calling Foley the biggest whore in the business. In his third book, Foley mentioned this but didn't name Heyman specificly, leading some to speculate he was talking about Triple H. Apparently this hurt Foley's feelings. And rightfully so. Foley always busted his ass for Heyman. Foley says he was good at getting people to do what he wanted. Bischoff says "So was Jim Jones." "And they both had Kool-Aid" adds Foley. Hayes thinks the Attitude era came more from the infamous meeting where Vince had to fly out to a house show and talk to the Clique then it did from ECW. Foley wishes Bischoff could have seen Foley's ECW stuff where he used Bischoff to get heat on himself.
-Onto Scott Hall, who Bischoff says was the most difficult person to work with. He talks about Scott's first day on the job, telling him to leave the bullshit at home. Which he did for a few months. Hayes and Bischoff agree that he is a manic depressant. Jim Ross says the same thing happened when he came back to WWE in 2002, that Hall behaved himself for a bit then acted badly during the infamous Plane Ride from Hell. His WWE run ended with Hall shaving Michael Hayes' hair on that ride. "Why must everything revolve around your hair?" Lawler tries to move the conversation onto Vince Russo, but Foley ONCE AGAIN steers the conversation back his way. Thank god he won't be on these anymore. Foley says that when he started in the WWE, Hall was bitching about the WWE, saying if he got lucky he would make $400K. Foley thought that sounded pretty good, actually. And he was offended that someone would look at that kind of money and brush it off like it was nothing. Everyone agrees that when Hall's head is on straight, he's one of the best minds in the business, and the most creative as well. It's not mentioned here but in Bischoff's book the idea to turn Sting from the bleached-blond colorful act to the Crow gimmick was Scott Hall's idea. That idea made millions. It's really sad how someone so creative could let the drugs and alcohol ruin them. Jake Roberts is the same way.
-To Vince Russo. Hayes mockingly says he 'made the attitude era' and then went to WCW where he offended Jim Ross with the Oklahoma character. Oh dip me in shit and roll me in bread crumbs, what a fucking crock. WWE ran the same character with Ed Ferrara in March of 1999 before Wrestlemania, and that skit also mocked Jim Ross' bells palsy. Mick Foley rightfully asks if that was any worse then Vince McMahon's Dr. Hinney bit, where they made fun of Jim Ross' color surgery to remove cancer. It's somehow better because "Vince made sure I wasn't terminal first." Foley says that his biggest agreement with Vince is he doesn't think they need to be so mean. He brings up stuff like the Rosie O'Donnel vs. Donald Trump thing, where the WWE was anything but kind to Rosie. Foley thinks the fans don't like it when they go there, and I agree. Hayes brings up the nWo parody of Arn Anderson's retirement speech. Bischoff wishes he hadn't done it and has big regrets. Bischoff says that however warped Vince's idea of entertainment is, at least the Dr. Hinney thing was not a personal attack. Oklahoma was a personal attack for the sake of having one. I don't buy it. For whatever reason Vince McMahon has been targeting Jim Ross with one act of huge humiliation after another since the minute he arrived in the WWE in 1993. Hayes points out that Vince would always humiliate himself the most. Bischoff relays a story about almost backing out of an angle on his last appearance in the company, where he got his face shoved in the ass of Big Dick Johnson, and how Arn Anderson talked him into it.
-Lawler calls Vince McMahon a heat seaker, but this somehow segs into Foley bringing up that when Mae Young gave Bischoff a bronco-buster at Bad Blood 2003, she had stuffed a bunch of sardines in her crotch. Foley then uses this chance to say why Bischoff has heat with him... and relates a story about Bischoff over-acting during a wrestling angle. Foley clearly isn't a fan of the subject matter of 'heatseekers' so they should have found someone else for this bit. He's ruined almost the entire show.
-Jim Ross goes back to Bagwell, with us almost out of time. He tells a story about when he was in charge of talent in WWE. Bagwell was going to no-show a houseshow, so his mother Judy calls JR to tell him. He'll be able to make TV, but not the house shows. Jim Ross thanks her and says they will replace him at those shows, says it won't be hard to do in fact, and that if she wants to call him again he will talk about anything but her boy. Because it's the last time he will ever discuss her son's career with her. He's a man now after all. Hayes says "Well, Missy Hyatte got him in the business so what do you expect."
And that's it. If It wasn't for Mick Foley's go-nowhere stories, this might have been a good one. We did get a couple fairly interesting stories but not the venom I was hoping this subject would present. I was hoping for something along the lines of the Ultimate Warrior DVD. This wasn't even remotely close. Big let down, and yet it's still the best round table of the entire six-disc collection.
To the matches.
Match #1
The Freebirds vs. Ron Shawn, Rene Goulet, & Charlie Fulton
8/4/84 (neato) WWE
Cyndi Lauper is with the Freebirds in their car. Shaw starts with Hayes. He gets smacked around. Tag to Roberts who grabs a headlock. Fans dig the Freebirds. Gordy tags in to hit a big slam and a kneedrop. Shaw tries to tag but nobody gives him one. Double backelbow from Hayes and Gordy, then Shawn tags to Fulton against his will. Hayes spins him around and punches him. Hayes takes out the other jobbers as well. Shoot off and a diving clothesline. Goulet comes in to pick on Hayes and actually gets the best of him. Shaw shoots off Hayes and gets a backelbow, but Hayes no-sells it and tags to Gordy who hits a big boot. Goulet in but Hayes tags in too and stops him with a backelbow. Tag to Charlie Fulton who slams Hayes into the turnbuckles. Shaw tagged in and they bit a double backelbow for two. Shaw with a dropkick, then a tag to Fulton. Hayes tags out to Terry Gordy. Punhces for all and things break down. They shoot off Shaw and hit this weird double backdrop thing where Gordy catches him and hits a tiger bomb with it for the pin.
1/4* Pretty awful. The Freebirds were likely game but the jobbers picked for them were no good.
Match #2: NWA Tag Team Championship
(c) Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger & Barry Windham
3/27/88 Clash of the Champions I
Lex & Tully start. Huge pushoff by Lex then he levels Arn with a clothesline. Powerslam by Luger and he slaps on the Rack already, but Arn chopblocks the knees. Arn and Tully take turns working the leg. Tully is in the ring when Luger tries a comeback but Tully grabs his leg to cut off a tag. Arn in but Lex throws Arn into Tully and the hot tag is made... like two minutes into the match... and Barry comes in. Clotheslines for all, flying lariat to Tully but no cover. Shoot off the ropes and a powerslam for two as the shitty production values of the NWA show JJ instead of the possible winning count. Sleeper hold to Tully and they actually fall out of the ring with Barry holding it tight. Barry breaks the count and bails into the ring. Tully gets to the apron and hangs Barry on the ropes, but Barry gets up and catches Tully climbing. He throws Tully off the ropes then wipes out Arn. Abdominal stretch to Tully but Arn runs in and DDTs Barry down for two as he manages to come in without a tag. Spinebuster by Arn... for two. What the hell? Knucklelock pins but Arn tries to drop a knee and eats knee himself. Tag to Tully but Barry hits a crossbody for two. Malfunction at the junction and both guys are out. Headlock takeover for a two. Bridge for two but Barry gets out of it and hits a gordbuster and both guys are out again. Arn tags in and slugs away. Wristlock ringer but Barry kicks out. He still can't quite get to the tag. Kneedrop misses for Anderson and both guys punch each other down. Arn does get the tag and hits the slingshot suplex... for two. Jesus, Barry should look like Hulk Hogan at this point. Barry finally makes the hot tag to Luger. Punches for all, clothesline to Arn, then another. Noggin-knocker by Lex, shoulderblock, but Blanchard gets a knee in. Lex fights back with a powerslam and Barry and Tully start to fight. J.J. accidently wipes out Arn with a chair and Lex gets the pin and the titles. And yes, it actually counted this time.
**** Good for a nine-and-a-half minute match. Intresting way to pace it too, having a hot-tag moment two minutes in then slow-burning it from there. Extremely fast paced and well put together.
Match #3
Midnight Express & Jim Cornette vs. The Original Midnight Express & Paul E. Dangerously
2/20/89 Chi-Town Rumble
Special Stipulation: Whoever takes the fall must leave the NWA
The original express are Jack Victory & Randy Rose. Wait... what? Ah, it turns out Dennis Condrey didn't like the way the feud was going so he left. And thus the "Original Midnight Express" had to bring in Jack Victory, who had never previously wrestled as part of the group. Meanwhile, Jim Cornette, a babyface here, reveals that nobody had heard of Paul E. Dangerously previously because he was the victim of an accidental sex change operation. He even pulls out a picture of Paul E. in drag on the front of the Sun to prove it. Well... that's one way to get heat. The interview kind of dies a bit after that.
Paul Hymen... excuse me... Heyman, fires back by bragging about stealing the Midnight Express from him while not outright denying that he was born a woman. Well that was one of the most fucked up interview segments I've ever seen.
Rose starts with Lane. They trade wristlocks but it's a standstill. Lane gets a shoulderblock, then a side headlock. Rose ends up with a scoopslam and he climbs but gets tossed off, then dumped over the top and to the floor with a clothesline. Jack Victory tags in, and I think this was supposed to be the start of a big push for him. Victory gets drop-toeholded and then all three hit an elbowdrop on him, including Cornette who pops the crowd huge with it. Eaton tags Lane back in and hits a backelbow. Victory, despite being a four year vet at this point, is incredibly green here and it shows. He can't do anything so he tags Rose back in. Lane and Rose slug it out, but this goes nowhere too. Cornette in to slug him in the mouth. Fans pop huge. Lane stomps away. Rose holds Lane so Heyman can get a freeshot but he misses and hits Rose in the mouth. Not only would that be painful, but would Heyman in theory now be the legal guy in the ring? Just sayin'. Eaton tags in and kicks away at Rose, kicking him out of the ring. Rose catches Eaton on the apron and throws him off there and into the guardrail. In the ring, scoopslam and Heyman tags in and hits the shittiest stomps I've ever seen, or at least until Shane McMahon faces Randy Orton on Sunday. Cornette tags in and demands that Heyman tags in. Rose doesn't and instead gets beat up. He's now the face in peril. Scoopslam and Heyman does get the tag. He kicks away. Match is at least structured well. Heyman covers for two. Heyman brawls him around a bit more. Heyman is bragging to the crowd, leading to Jimmy smacking him. Heyman tags to Rose, who clotheslines Cornette down. Tag to Victory, who grabs a headlock and some punches, but Eaton comes in and slams Victory face first into the mat. Hot tag to Stan Lain, who kicks away at Victory. Shoot off and Heyman gets a cheap shot in, letting Victory patheticly punch him down. Tag to Rose, who hits a powerslam for two. Clothesline by Rose, who then kicks Lane out of the ring. He stomps away on the outside. Lane to the apron only to get punched back down and to the floor. Rose climbs and hits a fist to Lane's back off the ropes. Back in, a sidewalk slam gets two. He loads up for a piledriver, but gets backdropped out. Stan Lane can't recover and thus Victory gets the tag and stomps away. Backdrop suplex and a tag to Rose. This is a school session for Victory, and to his credit he would get better. Tag to Rose who slaps on a chinlock. He lets go of it and hits an uppercut. Lane tries to fight back with a thrust kick but he doesn't get all of it and Rose keeps control. Victory in and he sends Lane to the corner and goes for a splash, but Lane get a foot up and makes the hot tag... or cold tag as the audience doesn't even respond... to Eaton. He slugs at Victory and hits a backdrop. Scoopslam and he climbs and hits a missile dropkick. Fans pop for that. Eaton forces Victory to tag in Heyman, then tags in Cornette. Heyman begs off, while Cornette beats the holy hell out of him. Shoot off and a clothesline gets two as Rose drops an elbow. Rose tags in, Cornette tags to Lane and things break down. Everyone is in the ring. Rose misses a big splash off the top and Lane covers... for two as Victory saves. I bought that as the finish. Victory and Rose run into each other and a double flapjack on Rose gets the pin. Fans are happy even though according to the rules Heyman gets to stay and Rose has to leave.
***1/2 Pretty good match actually. Rose and Lane had to carry the whole thing. I'm not sure why Eaton didn't get very much action. He didn't even get a big hot-tag moment. Strange.
Match #4: United States Heavyweight Championship
(c) Lex Luger vs. Michael Hayes
5/7/89 Wrestlewar
Huge heat on Hayes. Luger backs him in the corner and the ref forces a break. Luger threatens a clinched fist. Shoot off and Hayes gets a crossbody for one. Lockup and Hayes grabs a headlock. He grinds it in and laughs like an evil bastard. Shoot off and Luger goes for a pressslam, turned into a crappy Russian Legsweep by Hayes, which Lex no-sells. Lockup, and Luger marches Hayes to the corner, then bitchslaps him. Slugout and Luger backdrops Hayes, who bails. After a brief stall, Hayes comes in and smacks Lex around. He rams him into the turnbuckle and throws some solid punches. Shoot-off and a big clothesline. He calls for the DDT, his finisher, but Luger throws him off and Hayes bails again. Fans give hell to Hayes, who bails to break Luger's momentum. Jim Ross covers him on commentary. Excellent match thus far. Luger grabs a wristlock and rings it around, making it look more devistating then any version of it I've seen in years. Luger gets an armbar and tightens up on it. Shoot off by Luger and a sunset flip attempt by Hayes is countered into an armdrag and another armbar by Luger. Luger holds the armbar, and Hayes tries to punhc out, so Luger shoots off. Hayes goes for a crossbody but gets caught by Lex who executes a backbreaker. Another armbar, but Hayes gets him to the corner and fires off some chops. Clothesline in the corner but Luger no-sells it and shoots him off and grabs a hanging choke. Ten punch in the corner, then Luger blocks an atomic drop and slugs it out, but misses a charge and wipes out through the ropes and to the floor. Hayes comes off the ropes a punch, then slugs it out a bit more. He rams Luger into the turnbuckle, then bails into the ring and struts. He suplexes Luger back in for a quick two as Luger starts kicking out early. Par for the course with Lex. He was never good at selling near-falls. Chinlock by Hayes, Luger escapes and catches his foot off a whip, but he misses a punch and Hayes hits a sitting bulldog for two. Hayes slugs it out and punches away. Hiro Matsuda, manager of Hayes, gets a couple shots in on the outside. In the ring, scoopslam gets a two count. Elbowdrop gets two. A trio of fistdrops and then Hayes shows off to the crowd, then grabs a chinlock. Luger comes to life, then blocks a ram into the turnbuckle and kills Hayes on it. Hayes thumbs Luger in the eyes and goes for a bulldog, but gets thrown off and wipes out huge. Punch to the gut and Luger slugs him around. Ten punch and a hiptoss, then a clothesline for two. Shoot off and a pressslam. Then another pressslam, this one even bigger. He calls for a third one, and this is the biggest one yet. He calls for the Torture Rack, but Hayes slips out of it and hits the DDT for a double KO. Both guys up and the ref gets knocked out on a shoot off. Gordy runs down and knocks out Luger, and Hayes covers for the pin and the title even though Luger's foot was on the rope.
***1/2 Pretty good. Lacking a certain-something I can't put my finger on to bump it up to four-star level. Hayes' title reign would only last two weeks before he dropped it back to Luger. Scott didn't like this one too much when he reviewed it way back when, but I think he should give it another look over.
Match #5: United States Heavyweight Championship
(c) Goldberg vs. Scott Hall
7/6/98 Nitro
If Goldberg wins this match, he faces Hulk Hogan for the championship later in the show. To this day, people argue about whether they should have saved Goldberg/Hogan for a pay per view. After hearing every insider account, including Eric Bischoff's, I've come to the conclusion that if they had waited, there was a chance it never would have gone down. Having Hogan actually offer to put him over anyone in the first place on his own was a small miracle, even if his motivation was to get his win back later. Their calendar with Hogan was already booked fairly solid. He was in a heavily hyped match with Dennis Rodman against DDP and Karl Malone at Bash at the Beach. They had already agreed with Jay Leno on a match for the next pay per view after that. This left Fall Brawl in a September, traditionally not a period of the year to attempt to pop a large buyrate, as the first pay per view chance they would have had. I'm not saying they should have rolled the dice, but I honestly don't blame them for going through with it when Hogan was willing to. Besides, giving it away on Nitro meant everyone would be able to get caught up in Goldberg-Fever. The only reason it didn't work was because they booked him like shit afterwards, putting him on the backburner for three months while DDP and Hogan wrestled in and won main events on the big shows. For all the talk of how hard WCW pushed Goldberg, when you actually sit down and look at it, they never really got behind him once he was the champ. Hell, there were six pay per views after he won the title. He only main evented two of them, and didn't even appear at two of them. And one of the ones he actually did main event, he lost. CM Punk and Rey Mysterio had it better as champion.
To the match. And by the way, there was legitimate concern that Scott Hall was not going to cooperate with Goldberg for this match. Which makes you wonder why they put Hall in this match to begin with, but that's WCW for you. Hall is all wide-eyed as he dares Goldberg to get a piece of him. Goldberg casually shoves him off. Scott gets some shoulder thrusts and a wristlock, which he uses to feather-dust Goldberg. Goldberg takes him donw hard as a result. Hall calls for a test of strength but kicks and chops him instead. Shoot off but Goldberg slings him into the ropes hard, then botches a shoulderblock spot, or Hall tripped... hell if I know. A couple standing punches at Hall, who is clearly annoyed. He goes for a slam on Goldberg but ends up getting power-slammed. Hall kind of pops up from it. Half the time it's hard to tell if he's being a douche or if he's drunk or neither or both or whatever. Hall spits at Goldberg and locks up, but gets thrown down again, and again. Hall is bumping like crazy. Boots to the chest and a shoot off but Goldberg misses a charge, kinda, and gets clubbed in the back of the head. Backdrop suplex gets two for Hall. Hall punches away and Goldberg actually sells them good, until he hulks up. Hiptoss and a flowing armrdag, then another which is botched by Hall, who bails. He calls for backups, and out comes the nWo B-Team. BUT WAIT~! Karl Malone and DDP come out to beat them up with chairs. Hall gets a hangman on the ropes and a clothesline. He calls for the Outsider's Edge. Goldberg backdrops out of it, spear, jackhammer, good night.
1/2* Normal Goldberg match, with your typical Scotch (alco)Hall 1998 weirdness thrown in.
Match #6
Scott Hall vs. Kevin Nash
10/25/98 Halloween Havoc
So if you go by the storylines, this whole match was a setup to fool Goldberg on the off chance that Kevin Nash became #1 contender at World War 3 and then beat Goldberg at Starrcade and then somehow manage to get him arrested before his big rematch on Nitro afterwards so that Hulk Hogan could regain his championship. Not that all of the above would take a logical leap of faith or anything. I guess the nWo subscribed to the Rube Goldberg school of villainous plots. Hall comes out with a drink, the theory being the fans would assume that Hall's real alcoholism was a work, or something along those lines.
Hall throws his drink in Nash's face to start, then stomps away. He brawls him to the outside and slams him into the ring post. Hall hits him with the microphone, then chokes him with a power cord, all while the commentary guys use their "sad voice." Hall stands him up and then punches him down again. Hall gets in the ring then asks for a mic and jaws with Nash, who is out cold by the vicious right hand. Mind you, this is a guy who in 2003 took a full shot ot the skull with a ball-pein hammer and was fine minutes later. Sure enough, Nash is back in the ring, only to get punched down a bit more. And Nash of course has his flying shoes on, by virtue of him wrestling. Scoopslam by Hall and he calls for the Outsider's Edge, but Nash throws him to the corner. Hall goes for a ten-punch, but gets pushed off. He goes back for another, and again gets pushed off. Announcers are all weirding out because Nash isn't fighting back. Hall sends him to the corner and feather dusts him. Hall reverses a whip and sends Hall from pillar to post, then gives him a sidewalk slam, leading into a double KO spot. To their feet, Hall throws punches, Nash lifts a knee, then punches Hall down. He loads up for the Jackknife but Hall bails. Back in, we have a standstill. Lockup and Nash throws Hall off. Hall grabs a wristlock and some shoulder thrusts, but Nash clotheslines off. Stomps to the face by Nash and some punches. Hall fights back but lowers his head on a shoot off and gets slammed face first on the canvas in what actually was a nice looking bump. Head of steam on the ropes, then another. The ref asks if Hall wants to give it up. In a moment of pure fucking gold, Mike Tenay crows about WCW's production values. Keep in mind that this is the same show that cut off right before the main event in most of the markets it was aired in because it had too many matches and ran too long. As a result of WCW's "great production" they ended up airing the main event, Goldberg vs. DDP, for free the next night on Nitro. This pissed off the cable companies and those who paid $30 to order the show. As a result, WCW lost almost all it's revenue from this show because of refunds and rebates that were issued.
Back to the match, Nash knees Hall in the gut in the corner, then hits the big elbow. More knees to the gut, with Nash asking him if he wants another drink. Nash does some cocky kicks on Hall, then elbows him in the back of the head, then punches him down. Big boot by Nash pops the crowd somehow. I guess at this point, knowing that Warrior/Hogan is coming, a big boot seems cool. He loads up for the Jackknife, hits it, calls for one more, hits it, then... walks away, and gets counted out. Jesus fucking Christ. Fans are not happy with the ending. I know the point was winning doesn't matter as long as you made a point, but it's WRESTLING... the only point the fans care about is who wins and who loses.
* I rarely score against bad ending, but considering Nash booked it himself, it's fair game. Punchy-kicky match, and as slow as your average Nash affair. And it bordered on obnoxious at times. The ending was the poop-flavored icing on the cake.
Match #7: WCW Championship
(c) Booker T vs...
Dear fucking god no... NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*technical difficulties*
Ok, I can do this. Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean.
Ahem
Match #7: WCW Championship, Steel Cage Match
(c) Booker T vs. Vince Russo
9/25/00 Nitro
Kill me. By this point, I had sworn off WCW. I went from the time WCW brough back Russo & Bischoff to WCW Greed without having watched any of their shows. Not even out of morbid curosity. I skipped the whole David Arquette fiasco, Goldberg's heel turn, Hogan jobbing to Kidman, and on. No matter how many stupid things they pulled, I must admit I did not believe it when I heard about this match. I simply cannot believe this was allowed to happen. `The announcers talk about Russo being 9-0. Russo is wearing a football helmet, not for the gimmick, but because he's not a trained wrestler and has multiple head-injuries from all his previous 'matches'. The lockerroom empties, and I can understand that. If I worked for a company that was about to commit suicide, I would want to witness it as well. I'm quirky that way. Russo takes a baseball bat to Booker then tries to escape, but the lockerroom won't let him do it. Cage is almost an exact copy of the Hell in a Cell, by the way, with a roof and room to walk around outside the ring. Russo beats on Booker some more, then grabs a ladder. More batting at Booker's legs. He climbs and rips a piece of the cage roof off. Yeah fucking right. Everyone in the lockerroom climbs to prevent him from escaping, including Sting repealing from the ceiling. I'm shocked they ran this bit after the Owen Hart tragedy. Then again, I heard they pulled stunts like this at the Kemper Arena where Owen Hart died as some kind of attempt to work the fans there into thinking they had seen another death. Classy.
You know, while we're on the subject of Owen Hart and Vince Russo's role in it, the other day I picked up a shoot tape with Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara on it. In it, Russo goes out of his way to absolve himself from booking Owen Hart's death. You see, ever since he found Jebus, he has come to realize that it wasn't an accident that Owen fell that day. It was his destiny. Seriously. It was God's will that he fall to his death in the middle of a wrestling show, destroying his family, causing emotional problems to wrestling fans worldwide who had to witness it play out, and make wrestling look even more like a mockery then it already is. But Russo sleeps with a clear conscience, because it wasn't him that booked that angle, it was God working through him. Well I'm sure that will comfort Owen's kids that God loved them so much he wanted to take their daddy away from them in one of the most grusome and public ways possible and personally chose the mighty unibrow to set it all up. Excuse me, I need to go vomit.
Back to the match, where Booker hits a weird chokeslam thingy and then takes off Russo's helmet. Booker beats on him some more, then to the outside where he throws him into the cage. Luger comes down... apparently making his return to WCW or something... and he passes Russo what looks like a plastic pipe. He beats Booker to death with it, then shoves the ref down. He takes the ref out while he's at it. More refs come in to stop him, so Russo beats them up with the Fisher-Price "My First Wrestling Weapon" thing, BUT WAIT~! One of them is not a ref, it's Ric Flair. He tries to slap on a figure four, but Russo botches his end of it. The rest of the lockerroom empties and there's a big cluster-fuck brawl at ringside. Scissors kick by Booker to Russo in the ring, spinirooni, and a sidekick. Booker goes to step out... BUT WAIT~!!, here comes Goldberg. Booker stays at the door like a fucktard, instead walking the THREE FUCKING INCHES it would require to win the match. He waits like a tool, then Scott Steiner jumps him. He fights off Steiner somehow, then finally starts to walk out... only for Goldberg to spear Russo THROUGH the cage, and to the floor. We fade to black while the announcers speculate on what happened. So although it's never officially said on here, Vince Russo did indeed win the WCW Championship.
Yeah. Seriously, and people still bitch about David Arquette? At least he TRIED to turn them down when they told him he was winning the world title. Russo gave the belt to himself. Given all the employees, hundreds total, that worked for WCW, I can't believe nobody raised his or her hand and said "Wouldn't it be a better idea if we didn't do this?"
DUD No explaination needed.
Match #8: Boxing Match
Buff Bagwell vs. Roddy Piper
7/11/99 Bash at the Beach
I'm half-shocked they didn't pick Booker vs. Buff from the Tacoma Raw for Bagwell's match on this set. Having been there live to witness that in all of it's glory, I would safely say no match shows what a cancer on the business Buff is then any other. I'm a fairly big boxing fan so I'll try to recap. Mills Lane is the referee.
Round One and Piper throws so stiff looking shots. I'm sure Judy Bagwell called in to complain about that. Bagwell's shots are sissy. Buff seems to slip. Bagwell starts to totally air a bunch of punches, which Piper, to his credit, no-sells. This is truly sad. Announcers sound bored too. Meanwhile, Piper sprays some substance on Piper's gloves. Mind you, I think Bagwell is supposed to be the babyface here and yet the crowd is not with him at all.
Round Two and Piper lands a couple shots, blinding Bagwell. Judy Bagwell is actually at ringside. Oh my god. This has to be a rib. Piper continues to use stiff shots on Bagwell, getting a knockdown. When Bagwell gets his shots in, they look so pathetic I'm sure his mom was crying deep down. What a sissy man she raised. Piper, god bless him, is forced to sell this shit and falls down. He beats the count and the round ends. After the round, the ref checks to see what Piper and Flair are doing to Roddy's gloves.
Round Three and Piper jumps the gun to smack Piper. This leads to JUDY FUCKING BAGWELL biting Piper and dumping a bucket on his head. Buff hits the block buster and Mills Lane counts him out. Ohhhhhhhhhhh kayyyyyyy.
No rating, but an a true abortion. Speaking of abortions, I wish someone had taught Judy Bagwell the value of a good coat-hanger back in 1969.
BOTTOM LINE: Of the eight matches, three of them are pretty good. Sadly, one of them is on the Horsemen DVD, which I'm sure most of you reading this already have. After you get done watching the forth match, remove this DVD from the player and move on. Overall, as a stand alone disc, I'm not sure the Legends of Wrestling panel discussion and the two good matches exclusive to this set are worth the price of admission alone. For the $12.99 stand alone, I'm going a very, very mild thumbs up. As part of the overall three-disc box set sold everywhere outside of Best Buy, it contributes to it's bigger thumbs up rating. Just take my advice and do not watch Russo/Booker. Your sanity might depend on it.

Tags: 24/7, DVD on TV Reviews, WWE

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