Holy GOD was this bad. I mean, even Jodi was getting offended at how bad the CGI was and she rarely pays attention to that stuff. Randy Couture was an effective villain as long as he got to stand there and look menacing, but once he was required to say or do anything his limitations (vis a vis saying and doing stuff) were sadly laid bare. The writing here is so lazy that at one point the crew of heroes has to journey through the underworld to find the Sword of Damocles, and the only way to pass is to disguise themselves as the dead. So what do they do? Rub dirt on their faces. Wow, truly they're masters of disguise. I won't even get into the big final battle with the INVISIBLE SCORPION OF DEATH (which cut the budget from expensive CGI to "Blue Power Ranger reacting to squibs going off") and the utterly laughable Rube Goldberg "burning the entire city alive" scheme that was foiled by throwing some sand at an oil-burning fire (now why didn't they try that in Iraq?) but that time I just wanted the movie to be over anyway. This movie will absolutely make you appreciate The Rock's acting ability, because NO ONE in this atrocity has any and at least Rock might have made it watchable.
Oh, and don't even get me started on how it managed to completely butcher Greek myth by having Mathyus be the one who kills the Minotaur, and completely fucking up the legend of the Sword of Damocles, which is apparently now some sort of invincible super-weapon instead of an allegory for the dangers of power.
Don't even rent it, it's that bad.
Tags: DVD Reviews
But the biggest question is, does Scorpion King 2 reach the levels of homoeroticism as Tito Ortiz’s film “Valley of the Wolves Iraq”, which somehow was able to get an entire film plot built around the gay BDSM power politics of soldiers trying to kill each other all over who gets to put hoods over which side’s heads…..
Which begs another question (which will probably be lost since this thread isn’t getting much love), but why didn’t the WWE go after Tito? I’m sure he still wants to fight for real and quickly signed a contract to do so once his UFC deal was up, but I can’t believe the E didn’t toss some big money his way.
Can he work? Probably not, but he’d have to be better than Kali in the ring and I’d pay to see him in a second before I’d shell out for more of JBL or Batista. The guy has celeb-like credibility thanks to the ratings he drew with Shamrock and no fan is going to remember that he lost his last few MMA fights anyway. He’s got charisma for days. I think he could have easily been thrown into some matches that would have drawn. Tito-HHH at Wrestlemania would work in a great and unique way, in my opinion. Again, couldn’t be worse than JBL or Batista ruining another main event.
Why doesn’t Tito go for WWE? If I had to guess, Tito is holding out for better pay and a return to chasing his MMA dreams. In his prime, Tito was making 6-figures per fight plus a cut of the PPV revenue. I don’t think WWE can match that, and we all know that Tito has a hefty ego. Tito has also been unwilling to fight in organizations outside the UFC…
I’m not sure about Randy Couture as a movie star. He’s an amazing athlete, and seems like a smart, decent guy, but he looks and comes across as more of a friendly fireman than a man-killer. Vanderlei Silva? Arvloski? Thiago Alves? Those men would make insane villains!!