Scott’s Blog of Doom

So my friend Jarred is a DJ across the pond, as they say, and he’s trying to get the word about his new mix CD, so give it a listen if you like.  Kind of got that funky R&B thing going, and hey, it’s free. 

http://www.zshare.net/download/2377142b6c2380/

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for PrimeTime Wrestling - June 8 1987

- Hosted by Gorilla & Bobby, and sadly Lance the Lawyer is absent this week.

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So the next TNA PPV main event is going to be the TNA champion teaming up with the X champion to face the tag champions with all the titles on the line, in yet another one of those dumb stipulation matches where no one buys that, say, Bubba Dudley will end up as World champion.  Every match I’ve ever seen with that stip ends up one way only — the singles wrestlers win the tag titles and become Wacky Tag Partners Who Hate Each Other, or else they just do like WWE did in 1995 and screw the fans over the next night.  Is a standard, one-on-one match for the title one of these PPVs too much to ask?

Haven’t had a chance to watch Big Love yet tonight, but that’ll be on my summer blogging list as well.

Anyway, I’m really getting into John From Cincinnati, as David Milch seems to be determined to make up for the cancellation of Deadwood by hiring every actor from it.  This week, we get Charlie Utter playing a drug dealer, and Jack McCall as the doctor.  A lot of the complaints about the show that I’m reading seem to be of the “I don’t get what’s going on” variety, and to that I say “Good!”  I’m getting really tired of being 3 or 4 steps ahead of shows that are dumbed down for network audiences.  That’s why I love shows like this one or Dexter, as they’re the kind of shows that are determined to make you THINK about what you’re watching, instead of spelling it out for you plot twist by plot twist.  JFC is an intriguing show because I don’t know where it’s going, and yet there’s a kind of internal logic to all the messed up characters that allows you to put the pieces together as they come.  For instance, John gets punched in the mouth, and an earthquake suddenly happens.  Aha, light bulb goes on, these things might be connected.  Now I’m curious as to what “What do you want, Butchie Yost?” is referring to.  Is John offering Butchie a wish, for lack of a better term?  It seems he can also read minds, as he was hearing dialog from Butchie while looking through the telescope, and it was obvious that Butchie wasn’t actually saying anything at the time.   I think Butchie’s in for some bigtime redemption, and I think he’s kind of glad to have someone as non-judgmental as John to hang around with him.  Unlike, say, Mitch, who I wanted to smack around for not wanting to let Shaunie at least have 12 hours on the breathing tubes, just in case.  I’m not feeling the whole Cunningham plot, but Willie Garson is always great and hopefully he’ll put it out. 

On the flipside of the intellectual bar, Hell’s Kitchen showcases the dumbest retards from Retard Reject Finishing School, trying to learn to run a restaurant.  These are people who:

1)  Can’t figure out how to fry eggs

2)  Don’t realize that bad-smelling seafood should NOT be served in a restaurant

3)  Think that pulling pasta out of the GARBAGE and then serving it is perfectly normal. 

What the HELL, man? Does Fox not screen the contestants with some sort of minimal IQ test before accepting them, something along the lines of demonstrating basic cooking competency and common sense?  I mean, it wouldn’t be the same with the charming stupidity of the idiots competing, but my jaw hangs open in shock at the levels of incompetence these guys sink to in every episode.  But I guess that’s the brilliance of the show — it’s not a show about who the best chef is, because they’re all retarded, it’s a show about how far they can push Gordon until he explodes, and the reactions that result from it.  Viewed on that level, it’s a masterpiece, as I’ve said before.  I don’t care who wins, they all suck, I’m just glad that Gordon is making it entertaining on the way.

I’m beginning to wonder if the weekend’s supplemental draft really WAS by random computer thing.

Paul London & Brian Kendrick from Smackdown to Raw
Kenny Dykstra Raw to Smackdown
Viscera Raw to ECW
Sandman ECW to Raw
Bob Holly ECW to Smackdown
Miz Smackdown to ECW
Daivari Smackdown to Raw
Major Brothers from ECW to Smackdown
William Regal from Smackdown to Raw
Victoria from Raw to Smackdown
Jillian from Smackdown to Raw
Eugene from Raw to Smackdown
Johnny Nitro from Raw to ECW

The only move here that’s a significant improvement is Nitro to ECW, where he’s a big fish in a small pond and thus likely to get over as a star.  Most of the others are either lateral moves (woo, Victoria and Jillian trade places) or just downright strange (Sandman on RAW?).  And after all the talk about tag teams getting split up, two teams get drafted as teams.  Really, if they’re not doing branded PPVs any more, it’s all just rearranging furniture anyway.

…or maybe Mars, judging by how the first episode went.

But hey, I liked it!  David Milch must have had some cursing built up after Deadwood ended, because everyone is on their worst verbal behavior.  Grandpa levitates, Butchie shoots up, Shaunie may have the power to bring the dead back to life, and there’s some creepy guy who tells you exactly what you want to hear and always has what you need in his pockets.  And it’s got Ellsworth running a donkey show and Ed O’Neill all senile and stuff.  It’s weird, but fun, and I’m intrigued and will continue to tune in via the power of BitTorrent. 

Aaron Glazer, over at the Pulse, has a much more in-depth and thoughtful look at star ratings than I put forth, so if you’re really curious as to what goes into rating a match, that’s the column to check out. 

http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/articles/68173/2007/06/15/a-modest-response.html

Just to compare and contrast, I don’t give * and DUD quite the same negative connotations that he does, as I reserve negative stars for my REALLY bad ratings.  To me, * is “Well, they went out and tried to have a match, and had a bad one” and DUD is “Well, they weren’t even trying to have an acceptable match, and they had a bad one as a result”   Your mileage may vary. 

The SmarK DVD Rant for Dinosaurs - The Complete Third and Fourth Seasons

The Show

Once again, great TV leaves me wondering why networks keep derivative junk afloat and then jettison quality projects from big name talent like the Henson Company.

Case in point: Dinosaurs.

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The SmarK 24/7 Rant for the Monday Night War - February 3 1997

- Welcome to the 2 hour era of Monday Night RAW, as these shows are now a little over 3 hours total, and I’m sure they’ll have to be split up for technical reasons pretty soon.

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http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/news/headlines/default.asp?aID=19881

It just never ends.  She was looking pretty good in the last few appearances I saw her at, too.  Hope it’s not another drug thing.  RIP, Sherri.