Scott’s Blog of Doom

The Princess’ Quickie YouTube Comp Rant on Bam Bam Bigelow 

With Scotty out of the fold for another few days and me itching to go back in the Rant game but not feeling ECW right now (I tried boys, but I couldn’t write a thing about those bad shows) I was so touched by the outpouring of love you guys have given the death of Bam Bam Bigelow, that I decided to search YouTube for a few matches and do a quick rant. Maybe Scott can do something more in depth when he comes back. 

– We first pick up on Bam Bam’s career in 1987 when several of the top heel managers were vying for his services. Week after week Bigelow turned them down one-by-one (Jimmy Hart, Mr. Fuji, Bobby Heenan, etc.) until Slick remained. Slick, being my favorite manager of that era, was delightfully cocky about Bigelow being the latest member of his stable (the Jive Soul Bros??) but Bigelow had other ideas as he dusted off Oliver Humperdink from the mothballs and brought him in as a manager instead. I never understood WHY Bigelow needed a manager because he was over from the minute his non-vocal video promos aired and he wasn’t horrible on the mic so it seemed useless, but whatever. Anyway Bigelow tells Slick and Nikolai Volkoff to get the hell out of his face and pops Nik in the jaw for good measure leading to his first match. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Nikolai Volkoff. This is from WWF Superstars, the classic Saturday night show that everyone and their mothers watched. I loved those red blazers Vince and Bruno Sammartino used to wear…and even better I loved the fact that Ventura would never wear one. Nikolai belts out an especially craptastic version of the Soviet anthem. That never failed to crack me up. Bigelow didn’t have theme music yet and was listed at 393 pounds (although he probably wasn’t over 350). 

Volkoff tries to get an early start but Bigelow knocks him through the ropes and does some cartwheels. Bigelow had infectious charisma and there’s no doubt he could’ve been over huge with the right push because the fans were into him from day one. Bigelow absolutely murders Volkoff with power moves and a flying headbutt and completely no-sells anything Volkoff tries. Bigelow floors Volkoff with a clothesline but Volkoff goes to the eyes and tries some punches which Bigelow no-sells and instead gives him a standing dropkick that sends Volkoff to the floor. 

Nikolai attempts a third comeback and gets headbutted like seven times for it and sent to the floor again. Poor guy. Nikolai tries another comeback but Bigelow rolls through a punch and hits the flying headbutt for a three count. Total squash designed for Bigelow to display his offense. (Bigelow d. Volkoff, pinfall, 4:02, **). 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Barry Horowitz. Another Superstars episode, probably the next week. I will admit Humperdink looks gloriously looney in the Grand Wizard’s old jacket. Bigelow starts off with a clean break, which frustrates Horowitz, so he gives him a cheap shot and runs away. Bigelow chases Horowitz, catches him and beals him about 10 feet in the air. Clothesline completely wrecks Horowitz’s world. Shoulder block and a standing belly to belly sets up a slingshot splash and an easy victory. (Bigelow d. Horowitz, pinfall, 2:39, *) 

On a side note there’s an awesome Savage-Honky Tonk Man segment following this match that sets up their classic Saturday Night’s Main Event encounter. I’ve also been wanting to do a Randy Savage YouTube rant so maybe that’s coming. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Van Vader. This is from New Japan Pro Wrestling in 1988 so I have high expectations. Vader looks like a svelte 370 or so here. Bigelow rolls through a few punches to get the crowd behind him before Vader corners him and does a half clean break (he slapped him in the chest). Shoulder block moves neither man but Vader ropes Bigelow with a few punches and a Vader crush. Bigelow turns the tide with a hip toss and sends him through the ropes. Vader responds with a solid temper tantrum. 

Back in the ring and the stalling continues with a test of strength. Hmmm, Hogan-Warrior it ain’t. Vader’s super strength puts Bigelow to his knees but Bam Bam fights back to a standing position before Vader goes for a knee and floors Bigelow with a short-armed clothesline. Vader lands some seemingly stiff forearms and a belly to back suplex. Vader corners Bigelow with some more forearms and hits a corner splash for a two count. A bodyslam gets another two count and Vader clotheslines Bigelow over the top ropes. 

Back in the ring, Another bodyslam and Vader goes to the top and nails Bigelow with a flying clothesline that sends him out of the ring again. Vader misses a charge and hits the railing. Bigelow sends him in the ring and works the shoulder. The official tries to stop Bigelow from throwing another closed fist and Vader accidentally wallops him. The official sells better than either ref. Vader slaps on the claw hold as a new referee comes in the ring. Bigelow rallies with a flying shoulder and two clotheslines to send Vader over the ropes (looks like it was a blown spot as Vader was suppose to go over the top on the shoulder block and was scared to take the bump). The fight on the outside and the ref calls the match off. Vader didn’t give much and Bigelow took a solid ass kicking. (Vader & Bigelow, NC = double countout, **) 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kouji Kitao. This is completely in Japanese and despite my love for sushi, I have no clue how to translate. The overlays on the screen say “90 superfight” so let’s guess this is in 1990. Kitao is dressed like a gay Japanese biker. Kitao starts with an armdrag that gets all kinds of Ooos and ahhhs from the crowd. Interesting. And Kitao gets another one to a big pop. Hell this crowd would’ve LOVED Ricky Steamboat. Kitao and Bigelow do the headlock takedown-into-head scissors thing and both rise quickly. Bigelow gives an old fashion kick to the chest but fails to knock Kitao down on the shoulder block. Bigelow tries a headbutt but Kitao gives him a bodyslam for his efforts and Bigelow decides to take a breather. 

Bigelow comes back in with a clothesline and a headbutt before tossing Kitao over the top rope. Kitao tries to come in and Bigelow kicks him back out. Kitao tries again and Bigelow knocks him back out again. I hope you don’t get the idea that this is compelling television or anything because it’s not. Bigelow suplexes Kitao back in the ring for a two count and slaps on the chinlock because there hasn’t been enough stalling to this point. Kitao tries to fight back and Bigelow just overpowers him with the chinlock again, it’s actually more of a rear naked chinlock now. 

Kitao fights back to his feet but Bigelow is ready and hammers him with some forearms. Kitao sidesteps the charges and lands six kicks to the chest and floors Bigelow with a clothesline to get a two count. Kitao back to the kicks but one punch to the gut by Bigelow sends him back down. DDT by Bigelow gets two and a falling headbutt gets two again. Bigelow goes to the old-fashioned choke but Kitao catches him going for a backdrop and starts kicking the shit out of him. Ugly Samoan drop by Kitao gets two and a double-rope legdrop gets the pin. (Kitao d. Bigelow, legdrop = pin, 9:29, 1/2*). This wasn’t good and the same fans that were popping for the armdrags were not impressed with this one overall. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow & Bastion Booger vs. The Smoking Gunns. This is Bigelow’s second run through the WWF where he’s paired with his “main squeeze” Luna Vachon before joining the Corporation and this is in the second season of Monday Night Raw. Vince and Johnny Polo are doing the commentary and of course Polo is hilarious. Bigelow and Billy start off and the Gunns take the upper hand with some pedastrian double teams. Bigelow misses a blind charge and Bart goes to work on the shoulder. Bigelow catches Bart with an elbow and tags in Booger. 

For the few of you that don’t know, Booger is also known by his other characters, Makhan Singh or Norman the Lunatic. Real name is Mike Shaw and he looks quite disgusting in this gimmick. Booger turns Bart inside out with a clothesline and moves with the agility of camel in slow motion. 

Commercial break. 

We’re back and the Gunns double-team Booger with a bulldog but Booger fights back and sends Bart to the floor where Bigelow rams him into the post. Tag to Bigelow and he gives Bart a snap suplex for two. Bart fights back but Bigelow tags out and Booger takes control again with a shoulder block and a legdrop. Booger keeps pouring on the power moves but Booger misses a very slow blind charge. Booger makes the tag but Bart makes the hot tag to Billy. A kneelift and a standing dropkick puts Bigelow down. The Gunns with the double team backdrop while Luna gives Booger some extra attention by rubbing his hump. 

Booger takes this act of friendship as a show of affection and tries to kiss Luna, so Luna punches the shit out of him in response. That’s how they love in the Heath family. Meanwhile in the ring, Billy with a top rope sunset flip for two but Bigelow sidesteps Billy’s next top-rope manuever and finally catches attention of Booger makes the moves on his bitch. Needless to say Bigelow isn’t pleased and starts hammering on Booger until both are counted out. (Gunns d. Bigelow/Booger, countout, 8:17, *3/4) My maximum ranking for any Booger match is two stars, so by those standards he was on his game this night. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Undertaker. This appears to be a Superstars taping from 1993 and this match was a “Coliseum Video” exclusive as Gorilla Monsoon and Jim Ross do the broadcasting. This is OLD SCHOOL Undertaker so I’m not sure how much he’s going to be selling offense. They stall for about a minute after the bell rings and right away Undertaker no sells punches and sends Bigelow into the corner with a few uppercuts and a choke. A whip to the corner but Bigelow catches Undertaker with a foot. Bigelow goes for a shoulder but Undertakes counters with a nice drop toehold. Undertaker does the armbar-rope walk combo but Bigelow ducks a flying clothesline that sends Undertaker to the floor. 

Bigelow sends Undertaker to the post first and then to the stairs. Bigelow sends Undertaker to the corner, snapmares him out and hits two falling headbutts. Undertaker gets up but Bigelow slams him down and hits two more falling headbutts. Undertaker threatens to rise and Bigelow hits another falling headbutt. Bigelow cautiously goes to the top and misses the top rope headbutt. Undertaker comes back with a flying clothesline and Bigelow decides to take a hike but Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tanka forces Bigelow back in the ring. Chokeslam and a three count ends this one. (Undertaker d. Bigelow, chokeslam = pin, *). Nothing special. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kimo Leopoldo. This is from U-Japan in 1996 and the octagon looks like it was made for about a $150. Kimo is looking jacked as hell and I’m wondering how Vince didn’t try to sign this guy when he went after Severn and Shamrock. He’s got the look, the tattoos, the natural charisma. I mean the whole “born-again Christian” thing might not go over well, but it’s nothing Vince hasn’t worked around before. 

Ok you put a professional wrestler in an MMA fight with an MMA expert and what happens? Kimo quickly mounts Bigelow and beats the shit out of him for a good 90 seconds opening up a HUGE gash before going for the choke to force the tap out. I hope Bigelow got paid well for this one because it looks like it hurt. (Kimo d. Bigelow, choke = submission, 2:15, DUD). 

– ECW TV Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Rob Van Dam. This is from an ECW show in Buffalo on April 7 and Joey Styles reveals that Bill Alfonzo’s grand plan is to have RVD soften up Bam Bam for Sabu to win the title at the PPV, which almost gives away the outcome. That and the fact that Bigelow had already signed a deal to join WCW again if I’m not mistaken. Not sure which PPV he’s talking about, it doesn’t really matter. 

RVD goes low but Bigelow catches him with some punches and nasty shoulderblock. RVD rallies with a spinning heel kick but a hurricanrana is reversed into a powerbomb and RVD takes a powder. Alfonzo’s trash talking is hilarious as they have completely forgot about the match and begin talking about how the ratings are climbing because the camera is on RVD’s face. I’m never a big fan of stalling, but at least have fun if you do it. 

Ok back in the ring and Bigelow goes with the headbutts but RVD catches him on a blind charge with a side kick. Top rope high cross body and and top rope leaping side kick combo into a tumbling splash only gets a one count. RVD goes for another high flying maneuver but Bigelow is too smart for it and RVD goes straight to the floor. Bigelow posts RVD and send him into the railing. RVD goes with a kick and hits the springboard side kick off the railing. A few more kicks stagger Bigelow but he sends RVD into the post again and back into the railing. RVD tries something off the railing but Bigelow casually tosses him into the seats. 

Headbutt sends RVD tumbling into chairs but RVD sends Bigelow into the guardrail and does a springboard hurricanrana on the floor. RVD was still learning how to conduct match flow as he’s just going from spot to spot. RVD back in the ring, goes to the top and lands an plancha onto Bigelow out in the stands. I must admit, that’s impressive. RVD back in the ring again and pulls out the SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! to the floor. Holy shit. Both guys get out of the crowd and RVD lands a guillotine legdrop from the ring apron to the railing on Bigelow. 

Bigelow responds with a clothesline and a powerbomb onto a table that doesn’t break. Oops. Bigelow drops an elbow from the ring apron and that does the job instead. RVD gets up first and tosses a metal chair at Bigelow that opens a cut on his eye. Bigelow fights through it and lays in a nasty chair shot on RVD. Bigelow thinks about suplexing him in the ring but RVD counters with a stun gun. RVD tries to enter from the top but Bigelow catches him with the powerbomb. Bigelow up to the top but the moonsault misses, RVD tries his top-rope manuever and the five-star hits flush but only gets two. Fallaway slam by Bigelow and a sweet brainbuster gets a near fall. 

RVD tries to catch Bigelow with a chair on a blind charge but Bigelow no-sells it and scoops up RVD for Greetings from Asbury Park (Mitchinoku Driver). The ref bumps as Bigelow spins RVD into in and Sabu runs in. Bigelow counters Air Sabu by tossing him into RVD. Bigelow tries to powerbomb Sabu but gets jabbed in the eye which staggers Bigelow enough for the Van Daminator and the three count and a new champion! (RVD d. Bigelow, pinfall, 15:32, ***1/2). Pretty good match there. 

– Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldberg. I’m almost certain this is from an episode of Thunder since there isn’t any signs of it being a Nitro broadcast. Mike Tenay informs me that this is a return match from several months previous in Superbrawl. Goldberg has had problems with DDP in recent months and I’m certain this is during the Triad phase with Bigelow, Kanyon and DDP joining forces. The announcers are also referring to Bigelow as a “Triple B”. 

Bigelow starts quickly with a slam but misses a falling headbutt and Goldberg responds with a slam and Bigelow takes a powder. The combatants try some rope rope and Goldberg catches Bigelow on a high-cross body and turns in into a falling slam. Armbreaker by Goldberg but Bigelow fights back with a shot to the eyes. They wrestle into the corner and Bigelow accidentally wallops referee Nick Patrick. Goldberg whips Bigelow into the corner and nails him with a clothesline. Goldberg continues to pound on Bigelow from the mounted position. Patrick is pretty much motionless. 

Bigelow fights back with forearms and headbutts. Bigelow continues hammering away as Goldberg begins to no-sell and hits Bigelow with a standing side kick. DDP runs it and the Triad tries a double team but DDP bails out when Goldberg spears Bigelow. Jackhammer time gets a three count. Page comes back in with a chair shot and the Triad leaves to the sounds of boos and vision of flying trash. (Goldberg d. Bigelow, jackhammer = pinfall, *1/2). Nothing Great. 

The Bottom Line: I wish I had a better choice of matches, but there’s good variety in here from his two WWF runs, one of his WCW runs, a few Japanese matches and probably his best ECW match. In a perfect world I would’ve found a Bret Hart match and a match against Barry Windham from the late 80s. I hope you enjoyed. 

http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/news/headlines/default.asp?aID=18418

I’m just hoping it wasn’t drugs or anything bad. Florida has not been kind to wrestlers recently. Curt Hennig and Hercules died in Tampa. Tons of wrestlers live here because of the tax free living.

As for Bam Bam, I think he and the early 1990s Vader were probably the most athletic big man of this era and Bigelow was always given high marks as a worker from Bret Hart. He carried Lawrence Taylor to what Scott refered to as the “Savage-Steamboat” of celebrity matches at Wrestlemania XI. He’ll probably be inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame posthumously now.

Rest in Peace big fella.

So we’re moving to the new place TONIGHT, but stupid Sasktel (who BARELY escaped with my business this week after screwing up our original move date by virtue of being the only ones with WWE 24/7) won’t be coming by to install cable and internet until the 24th, so you’re gonna have to survive without any new content until then. 

Thank god for rabbit ears, because otherwise I’d go nuts without being able to watch 24 on Monday.

See you on Wednesday!

For those who thought that Jack Bauer couldn’t find another level of awesome to ascend to, I present to you:  Killing a terrorist by biting a chunk out of his neck, while handcuffed.  All other American heroes, move along. 

So things are bad in LA.  Really bad.  Like, Wayne Palmer is now the President kinda bad.  What did he ever do to warrant an office like that?  Most of his involvement over the years has been running away and hiding from cooler people.  I want President Aaron Pierce, dammit!  He’s been secret service long enough anyway, and David would have wanted it that way. 

Second-coolest thing about the four-parter:  Terrorists finally making good on a threat to detonate a nuke.  Poor Jack was already breaking and wondering if the day could get any worse, and then WHOOMP, mushroom cloud.  God, I love this show. 

Canadian viewers were likely amused at the thought of Shaun Majumder as a skulking bomb-maker, but then he blew himself up anyway.  Equally amusing was Kumar playing a terrorist, but he’s dead too.  Basically they’re rounding up everyone in Hollywood who looks the least bit Arab and using them this season, I guess, so expect IP’s own Murtz Jaffer to show up as a plucky suicide bomber soon. 

And Curtis, if you had to go, at least you went out getting shot by Jack Bauer and not by some terrorist.  Poor Chloe has so much seniority now that she’s likely next on the list, but I hope not.  She’s wearing dresses and getting regular sex now, you can’t kill her! 

Anxiously awaiting the return of the Bluetooth Mafia, Naked Mandy, Audrey and President Logan…

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling - June 22 1985

- So continuing on, last week Magnum TA challenged Ric Flair in a 10-minute draw, plus the Andersons scuffled with Dick Slater and Buzz Sawyer because of injuries sustained by Brett Wayne Sawyer at their hands.

- Tony Schiavone starts by reading a letter from a little blind boy, who thinks that Ron Garvin got a raw deal against Black Bart and should be reinstated by the NWA. Well, to be fair, he’s BLIND, so he could hardly judge fairly, but apparently this has moved the Board of Governors enough to reinstate Garvin anyway. I think the little boy grew up to be a referee.

- Brett Wayne Sawyer & Buzz Sawyer v. Larry Clark & Randy Barber. The Sawyers, now reunited, continue to send a message to the Andersons by working over the arm of each jobber, before finishing with a Buzz powerslam into a Brett flying splash.

- Tully Blanchard & Baby Doll want to talk about Big Dust some more. He’s gutless, you know.

- Bill Watts, quite upset about the state of the world these days, rants about terrorists and dirty commie Russians who are also steroid freaks (!) holding the six-man titles and making the US look bad. So if they’ve got any guts, they’ll accept his challenge for a match with two partners for a show upcoming at the Omni.

- Magnum TA v. Paul Garner. Another quickie for TA, as he finishes under 30 seconds with the belly-to-belly.

- Dusty Rhodes comes out to reply to Tully, his crippling eye-injury already reduced to a band-aid, and adds to Watts’ patriotic fervor by adding himself to the match and throws out a word of warning for Tully: If Baby Doll gets in his face again, he’ll knock her on her big ass. Man, they were so mean to her back then. You’d never hear the WWE dare to say that kind of stuff about their precious Divas, unless it was a deliberate comedy angle like the Molly Holly stuff.

- Dick Slater comes out and adds his support to Watts in his war on steroid-fueled terrorism, and challenges Ric Flair while he’s at it.

- Jimmy Valiant v. Carl Styles. Usual squash from Jimmy here. While watching the Hall of Fame stuff with the Valiants this month on 24/7, it occurred to me that when they returned in ‘79 reinvented for the 80s, Jimmy looked like 100 times the star that Johnny did, as he was buff and sporting the Superstar Graham blond moustache. They could have had some serious money in him, as they did in Memphis before his WWF run, and I’m not sure what happened to him to make him into the clown that he became. Anyway, elbow and elbowdrop finish here.

- Ric Flair joins us to summarize his list of challengers again, and declares himself to be the embodiment of America. That’s why Flair was great — you always could keep track of his feuds because he’d come out and say “I’m wrestling this guy, this guy and this guy in a city near you”.

- Tully Blanchard v. Terry Flynn. Flynn gets a headlock on Tully, and that’s about it, as he misses a charge and then Tully toys with him for a couple of minutes before finishing with the slingshot suplex. Of note here, Tully’s knee strikes miss by 8 inches or more, which the camera catches in all their glory. His celebration is cut short by Dusty Rhodes, who storms the ring, and as promised knocks Baby Doll on her ass. Tully responds by knocking him out with a loaded elbowpad (the same one Black Bart used to beat Ron Garvin) and putting him in the figure-four.

- The Road Warriors v. David Dillinger & Joel Deaton. Oddly enough, the Warriors are AWA tag champions at this point, which is kind of weird to hear acknowledged on NWA TV. Total squash for the Warriors, of course, and Animal finishes with a powerslam off the top.

- Ivan & Nikita Koloff v. Alan Martin & Mark Cooper. The Russians are NWA World tag champs and six-man champions, and in the midst of a monster push, to say the least. Total power here, as Nikita looks like a star despite being green as grass. Still, a series of matches with Flair took care of that, as it often did. Poor Cooper just gets murdered here, as Nikita finishes with the Russian Hammer (chokehold takedown) and Russian Sickle.

- Superstar Graham, the man of hour and too sweet to be sour, joins us and shows off his 24-inch pythons. Uh oh, someone call Jerry McDevitt.

- Ric Flair & The Andersons v. Rocky King, Pez Whatley & The Italian Stallion. Whatley controls Arn with armdrags to start, and they all pinball Ole in the corner. Flair comes in and gets hiptossed into the corner. Backdrop out and it’s BONZO GONZO early on. The future Horsemen clean house and work Pez over in the corner. Over to the Stallion, and the Andersons go to work on the arm. Flair drops a knee for two. Ole uses a half-crab, with help from Flair, and the leg becomes the new target for them. Arn with a half-crab as well, and we take a break. Back with Rocky King taking the beating now from Flair, and they continue working the leg. Flair with a backbreaker for two. Whatley gets in again, the only hope of offense for his team, and it’s a Flair Flip as Pez goes after everyone. The faces clean house, but Flair hits Pez from behind with a double axehandle. They go back to working Rocky’s leg over, and finish with Arn’s gourdbuster into the figure-four.

- The Andersons try to go after color commentator Magnum TA, but Jimmy Valiant and Dick Slater back him up, with segues into Jimmy challenging Paul Jones to a dog-collar match, one of several gimmick matches they would have over the years they feuded.

- The Russians join us to let us know that they want the gutless coward Road Warriors. And soon.

- Buddy Landell v. Jason Walker. Budro, looking very energetic and svelte here, gets a hiptoss and dropkick, and works a neck vice. Rather long and dull squash, actually. Figure-four finishes.

- Black Bart yells and screams about Ron Garvin.

- Thunderbolt Patterson v. Tommy Lane. Lane would go onto minor success as part of The Rock N Roll RPMs, but not today. Patterson does nothing more than punching for the whole match, and finishes with a double-thrust to the chest. Wow, he shoved him down, what a worker.

- Back with more Dusty, as he compares Baby Doll to a cow (OUCH!) and references the gorilla incident. Damn, missed that one.

- Kevin Sullivan v. Gerald Findley. Kevin, newly crazed, promises to cripple Dick Slater before the match, because some chick with three eyes in Calcutta told him to. Geez, talk about whipped. Sullivan beats the hell out of the jobber and finishes with a rear chinlock. I prefer the double-stomp finish myself.

- Superstar Graham v. Mark Hill. Graham looks eerily like Hogan does these days. Punch, stomp, punch, stomp, and even the normally patient Center Stage fans tire of it quickly, launching into a “boring” chant before a full-nelson mercifully ends it for Graham.

- Black Bart v. Nick Busick. Busick went on to minor fame as The Big Bully in WWF, but this is just a squash. Bart was National champion at this point, although arguably his greater fame would be as part of the comedy team called the Desperados later on in WCW. Much of this is Bart working on the arm with headbutts and legdrops. The crowd, unusually fickle this week, get on this match too. Tony, talking about the Garvin-Bart title change, notes that the Board cannot change a title by viewing videotape, although they’d do just that with Starrcade 85, returning the belt to Ric Flair, so obviously the bylaws must have changed by then. Top rope legdrop finishes.

- Magnum returns to lay out more words for Flair, who is also a gutless coward. Lot of that going around this week. Flair-Magnum really had that big match feel to it, but Magnum’s career was cut short before it could really be blown off properly. And we’re out of time, fans!

The Pulse: No real main event to speak of in this show, but as always a solid build for the future with some good promos.

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Tuesday Night Titans - September 13 1985

- This one is a bit tougher to recap in the strictest sense of the word, because rather than a wrestling show it was Vince McMahon’s horrific attempt at a talk show. Basically Vince and sidekick Lord Alfred Hayes play it straight and “interview” guests (who are all wrestlers), showing clips from their latest “shows” (which are generally matches from the syndicated shows at the time). Yes, it was a car wreck beyond belief, but at least the whole concept spawned Fuji Vice.

- Our first guest tonight: Randy Savage, very early in his WWF career. Sadly, this isn’t the episode where he debuts his classic “Hulk Who? / MachoMania Is Running Wild” t-shirt. This was in the midst of the “Who will get to manage him” angle, where Savage courted all five of the major managers at that point and then screwed them all over in favor of Miss Elizabeth. Amazingly, there were no repercussions for him, as everyone took the betrayal pretty well. So we get a squash match from Superstars to introduce Liz, and then it’s the sit-down interview portion with them, as Savage is actually pretty low-key compared to later, well, weeks, and Elizabeth is playing it more evil and smirking than demure and shy. In retrospect, she was a brilliant foil for him once she got that character down, because Savage was such an over-the-top loony that fans couldn’t help but cheer for him. Why? Confidence sells tickets. Say what you will about gimmicks or pushing the right people or the look or whatever, but stick someone out there who BELIEVES he’s the best and can deliver that in a promo, and people will get behind him and treat him like a star. And if there’s one thing that Savage has buckets of, it’s confidence. However, putting him with Elizabeth means that he instantly has a weak spot, turning him into a raving, jealous boyfriend who people wouldn’t possibly want to cheer. Left to his own devices, he’d shoot up the ranks to World champion, but with Elizabeth, the character becomes much more interesting because you never knew when he’d get sidetracked and distracted, and that’s where his second dimension as a character came from. At any rate, back to the “interview”, as Savage talks over Elizabeth for the first time and rants on and on about how he’ll destroy Hulkamania. Liz, who is not yet used to being part of the three-ring circus that is Randy Savage, keeps cracking up while Savage talks about how he could be managed by a flower pot and still drop the big elbow on Hogan. And people were SURPRISED when this guy went crazy?

- Next guest: Ricky Steamboat. He’s full of inspirational words and crap. And naturally, we get a squash match for his clip. He has some words for Don Muraco, but despite discussing it to death, we don’t get footage of Steamboat fighting the NINJA JOBBERS OF DOOM. Well, maybe next time.

- Next guest: Freddie Blassie and the late Moondog Spot. The squash match of choice is Spot teaming with Barry O (jobber Barry Orton, Randy’s estranged uncle who managed to piss off Vince forever by taking the prosecution’s side in the steroid trials) in an odd pairing. They finish with a Spot shoulderbreaker into a Barry O elbow. The interview goes nowhere until Spot ends it by “pissing” on Hayes while Blassie beats on him with his cane to make him stop. Really, where can you go after that?

- Last guest: Bobby Heenan, carrying a John Studd figure that I of course had in my collection back in the 80s. The clip here is an oddball six-man from MSG, with Studd/Adonis/Heenan v. Windham/Rotundo/Steele. Heenan complains about the editing of the match, which clipped all his offense out. Best part of the show: Vince holds up an article from WWF Magazine to make a point about Heenan, and down in the corner where you can’t even see it on TV without a magnifying glass is a little “WWF Magazine” byline, and of course they blur it out. Vince brings out a little kid and his pet weasel for the purpose of comparing to Bobby, but the results are inconclusive. Heenan sniping at the poor kid is hilarious.

- Vince wraps it up.

The Pulse: I dunno, is it worth recapping further? Your call, guys.

As per Meltzer…

“–Funny story from yesterday. Hulk Hogan was on Bubba the Love Sponge when Ann Russo (no relation to Vince), the secretary of Vince McMahon, called him to get his thoughts on the Hall of Fame. He was given the following names and asked to pick ten. The name under consideration given to him were The Von Erichs, Ultimate Warrior, The Sheik Ed Farhat, Ric Flair, Mr. Fuji, Nick Bockwinkel Muhammad Ali, Mr. T, Mike Tyson, Howard Finkel, Jim Ross, Ken Patera, King Curtis, Ted DiBiase, Jake Roberts, Honky Tonk Man, Dusty Rhodes, Dick Ebersol, Afa & Sika, Big Bossman, Randy Savage, Bob Backlund, Rick Rude, Bushwhackers, Rocky Johnson and Brooklyn Brawler. Out of that list, his picks were Bossman, Curtis, Dusty, Savage, Samoans, Von Erichs, Rude, Bushwhackers and Finkel. This all aired on the air. I checked around on this. It wasn’t a planned publicity stunt and Russo had no idea she was on the air.”

Interesting list.  For political reasons, I’d say it’s likely the the Von Erichs and Finkel are locks to get in.  Randy Savage seems like a longshot, but his speech would make for good TV.  Big Bossman in a serious Hall of Fame is a joke, but this is the WWE Hall of Fame so who knows.  Backlund and Flair both warrant inclusion, obviously.  I’m sure someone like the Samoans would get in for political reasons as well, since spawning all those Samoans was their indirect competition.  Plus if the Valiants warrant inclusion, pretty much anyone does.

All in all, not a bad list.

“

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Championship Wrestling From Florida - July 11 / 87

- Are ya KIDDING me? Are they, like, tapping into my mind and only putting stuff on WWE 24/7 that I love or something? GET OUT OF MY HEAD, WWE 24/7!

- Hosted by Mike Graham in the present (who was hired strictly to get this tape collection, I’m assuming) and Gordon Solie in the past.

- This is the Great American Bash episode, which means marquee matchups instead of the usual squashes and video packages. I always loved July on NWA TV.

- Florida title: Mike Rotundo v. The Barbarian. In the neverending debate between “Rotundo” and “Rotunda”, this show seems to fall on the “o” side of things. I don’t know that we’ll ever have a definitive answer, much like the purported existence of Santa Claus or algebra — there’s just no way to know for sure. We’re pre-Varsity Club at this point, although that would change soon, once he called up to the big leagues. Barbarian stomps him in the corner, but Mike fights out. They do the test of strength, but Rotundo would rather grab a headlock, which results in him getting shoved off. Another try, and Barbie overpowers him again, so Rotundo takes him down with a flying forearm and sends him to the floor. Ad break and we return with Barbarian on the top, but Rotundo slugs him down for two. He works the arm, but Barbarian powerslams him and it’s a double KO until Barbarian gets up first and hits the big boot for two. They head out and Mike meets the railing, but fights back and returns the favor. Back in, Barbarian catches him with a shoulderblock, but gets cocky and Rotundo sneaks in with a small package for the pin. ** Pretty slow paced, not much of a story, but it did the job.

- JJ Dillon stops by the announce table and runs down the upcoming Bash cards (David Allen Coe, live in concert!), including some stupid Dusty Rhodes gimmick match they’re trying out called “WarGames” or something.

- Florida tag titles: The Sheepherders v. Mike Graham & Steve Keirn. The Sheepherders are seconded by some goof named “Johnny Ace,” who has a mullet long enough to make any redneck proud. I wonder what ever happened to that guy? Keirn quickly fights out of the corner to start and tries a sleeper on both Herders, but it gets broken up each time. Ad break, and we return with the Herders double-teaming Keirn as a pop-up helpfully informs us that he became Skinner in 1992. I appreciate the effort, but the only people who REMEMBER him as Skinner already know who he was. Butch gets two after a double-team. Luke cuts off a tag for two, and we get the false tag bit before heel miscommunication results in the real hot tag to Graham. Rather abbreviated match, I’d say. Graham puts Luke in the figure-four, but a flag to the face breaks it up. I love Gordon Solie, but remembering names is apprarently not his forte, so he just distinguishes the Sheepherders by calling each one “The Sheepherder” or “Keirn covers his man” or whatever. It’s a pier-six brawl (and it’s Solie, so he’s authorized to call it that) until a double-countout ends it. Too short to be worth much. *1/2

- Big Dust promo video, same one as all the NWA TV shows got.

- The Mod Squad v. The Freebirds. It’s the Gordy and Roberts version here, not the crappy Hayes & Garvin one from WCW. The Birds work the arm and Gordy gets a bodypress on Spike for two. I think it’s Spike, because as noted Solie is no help here and I’m just working off what little of these guys I can remember from 20 years ago. Basher comes in against Roberts, and gets hit with a missile dropkick. Back to Spike, who stomps on Gordy and distracts the ref while Basher chokes him out. Roberts comes in and gets caught with a cheapshot, and Basher chokes him out. Spike gets a backbreaker and drops an elbow for two. Camel clutch, but Buddy powers out, so the Mods keep pounding and choking him until Buddy fights back. Basher grabs a chinlock, but Roberts comes back with a sunset flip for two. Back to the chinlock, and Spike tries to finish with a flying elbow, but it misses. Hot tag Gordy, and he’s just had enough and beats the crap out of the Squad until finishing with a powerslam. Basic as it gets, but it was fine for what it was. **1/2

- Ric Flair promo, again the usual one. If you were around in the 80s, you know the one.

- Bunkhouse match: Blackjack Mulligan, Ed “The Bull” Gantner & Bugsy McGraw v. Sir Oliver Humperdink, Dory Funk Jr. & Black Assassin. I would be remiss in not mentioning the brilliantly minimalist gimmick of the Black Assassin, as he is a black man who dresses like an assassin, thus giving me the truly descriptive names that I need to recap without getting confused. Sadly, my favorite info site, Obsessed With Wrestling, doesn’t list his identity so I can mock him further. Big brawl to start, and Mulligan is already bleeding, so the faces clean house. Bugsy whips Dory Funk while Ganter dumps the Assassin. Finally they get organized and take their corners, and Bugsy starts the match proper with Assassin. However, McGraw is all KOOKY and stuff, and Assassin has no clue what to do with this guy, so we take a break. Back with Funk pounding on Gantner, but he gets slammed. Ganter gets worked over in the heel corner, and Funk facelocks him on the mat. Assassin comes in with a kneedrop, but Mulligan tags in and he’s the house of fire. Humperdink throws the dreaded BABY POWDER OF DEATH in his face and all hope seems lost, but Kevin Sullivan runs in, spikes everyone in the face with that appears to be a utensil or some sort, and puts Mulligan on top of Assassin for the pin. Fun brawl. **1/2

The Pulse: Nothing to complain about here. I’d watch again, and probably will. Bring on World Class next month!

–WWE will come out with a new DX DVD in February featuring all new material. Among the stuff on the DVD will be: All the build-up to the reuniting, DX vs. Spirit Squad from Vengeance, DX impersonates the McMahons, DX banned from Raw, Vince & Shane vs. Eugene from Raw, DX vs. Spirit Squad from Saturday Night’s Main Event, Michaels vs. Shane McMahon from Raw, Michaels vs. Jonathan Coachman from Raw, Michaels vs. Umaga, HHH vs. Umaga, SummerSlam promo, DX vs. McMahons at SummerSlam, DX vs. Regal & Finlay & Kennedy, DX confrontation with McMahons & Big Show, DX vs. Big show, HHH vs. Vince, DX vs. McMahons & Show Hell in a Cell, DX promo on McMahons, DX takes over Raw, DX vs. Cade & Murdoch, Edge & Orton impersonate DX, HHH vs. Orton form Raw, DX vs. Edge & Orton from Cyber Sunday, DX humiliates Bischoff, and DX & Hardys & C.M. Punk vs. Edge & Orton & Nitro & Helms & Knox from Survivor Series.

Yeah, that’s just what the world was waiting for — a three-disc set of stuff we just watched in the previous year.  Reserve my copy now!  I know they enjoy milking the DVD market, but this seems like overkill and a waste of a perfectly good release to me.