I certainly laughed at the Aqua Teen trailer, unlike the Simpsons last night, where I laughed not at all. Much like Family Guy, which had a good chunk of its running time taken up by Stewie dancing with Gene Kelly. Good night for wrestling, bad one for animated comedy.
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2007
- Live from San Antonio, TX
- Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Joey Styles & Tazz.
- Meanwhile, Edge and Orton draw their numbers for the Rumble and mock Kelly Kelly (who is an exhibitionist).
ECW “World” title: Bobby Lashley v. Test
Shoving match to start and Test stomps away and chokes him down, but Lashley hits him with a t-bone suplex. Delayed vertical suplex and Test bails, but he suckers Lashley into standing the apron long enough for a trip into the post. Great, now we get to watch him try to sell. Back in, Test gets two. We go to an armbar, and you know Test means business because he cycles through his two facial expressions and gives us “Angry Test”. And we stay on the armbar for a while, as Test’s face just does not change. Did he get Botox done or something? I mean, sure, he’s expanded his range of emotion by 100%, but geez. Lashley backdrops him and follows with a corner clothesline and some shoulderblocks in the corner, but his arm gives out on a press-slam attempt. Big boot from Test gets two, and it’s ANGRY TEST again. F5 is escaped by Lashley, and he clotheslines Test to the floor (causing him to shift facial expressions to “Confused and/or Injured Test”) and Test walks out on the match. Countout finishes are EXTREME!
(Lashley d. Test, countout, 7:10, 1/2*) Well that was pretty fucking lame. Nothing like a match where no one gets over and the fans boo both guys.
- Meanwhile, Vince wants John Cena to lose. And John’s injured too. Uh oh, he’s facing impossible odds! He can’t possibly win, can he?
The Hardy Boyz v. MNM
Matt gets suckered into the MNM corner to start, and Mercury pounds him on the mat. Matt fights back after a double-team and brings in Jeff, who comes in with a mule kick for two. Nitro comes in and gets legdropped for two. Double-team by the Hardyz and Matt suplexes Mercury to get rid of him for the moment, and a neckbreaker on Nitro gets two. They go to the injured face of Matt, however, and work it over, which is certainly unique psychology. Mercury kicks him in the face and Nitro gets two. Mercury keeps slugging at the face and gets a hard clothesline for two. Finally Mercury misses a splash and Jeff comes in again. Front suplex gets two on Nitro. Whisper in the Wind gets two. The Hardyz double-team Nitro with a suplex and both head up, but it’s mixed news as Jeff hits Nitro’s knees and Matt gets his legdrop. That’s pretty unique — I’ve never actually seen a spot done like that before. And so, Jeff is YOUR raver-in-peril, as Jeff gets taken into the corner and Nitro charges in with a running knee for two. Jeff’s ribs appear to be hurt, so that’s what they go for. Double-team from MNM gets two. Jeff rolls up Mercury for two, but Mercury pounds on the ribs again to keep him down. MNM with the double gutbuster for two, but Matt breaks it up. Nitro goes to a bodyscissors, but Jeff fights out and makes the tag…which the ref doesn’t see, naturally. Finally, it’s hot tag Matt, and he does the bulldog/clothesline combo for two on Nitro. Yodelling elbow gets two. Way to change it up, Matt. MNM comes back with an attempt at a Snapshot, but Jeff breaks it up and they get Poetry in Motion. Another one is missed by Jeff, and Nitro cradles Matt for two. Matt comes back with the Side Effect and Twist of Fate, but Mercury takes him out. Jeff goes up, however, and finishes with the swanton bomb.
(The Hardy Boyz d. MNM, Jeff Hardy swanton — pin Nitro, 15:27, ***) Pretty much a formula Hardy match, as they’ve pretty much squandered every cent they could have made out of the Hardy reunion at this point.
