Justin Shapiro is back to sub for Todd Martin on Observer.com, and he gets stuck with this crappy ECW show…
http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/news/features/default.asp?aID=18020
Still, I thought it was a good effort and pretty funny, even without Rene Dupree to mock.
The SmarK DVD Rant for The Spectacular Legacy of the AWA - Part Deux
- So last time we covered the documentary and interviews of the first disc, and this time we’re hitting the matches on the second disc, which actually end up showing an interesting trend which I’ll get to as we go along.
…Batista v. Undertaker, title v. streak, according to Meltzer. I think they’re deluding themselves if they think Batista has any drawing power left at this point, and wasting the winning streak on him is a hugely bad idea. Not that it’ll matter, because at this point the WM name is what sells, regardless of the main event, but I think it just shows how much trouble they have breaking out of their little mindset about things that this is the best they can come up with.
TNA iMPACT!
Recap of Genesis.
Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West.
And here comes new NWA World Champion Abyss, with Father James Mitchell. When I first heard that Abyss won the title, I thought that was kind of crazy, but Abyss v. Joe, Angle, Styles, and Sting could all be big money matches, so this might not be a bad move. Choose a face a build to the title chase, it should be money. Also, giving Mitchell more mic time is never a bad idea. Mitchell actually does a great job tying together what Sting did (beating the holy crap out of Abyss illegally) with the promos Sting cut about restoring dignity and being a good champion and all that other crap a few weeks ago. Crowd chants for Sting while Mitchell talks about Sting walking down the “highway to hell.”
Cut to Sting’s music, and here he comes and they are taking wide angle shots. Mike Tenay proves his smarter than he was in WCW by recognizing right away that this is, in fact, a Sting impostor. The faux Sting chases Abyss and Mitchell out of the ring and reveals himself to be Christian Cage. Cage gets the mic and makes some threats towards Sting, so he lowers himself from the roof (like he did last week). Sting challenges Cage tonight, and Cage agrees — if Sting puts his #1 Contender status on the ling. “It’s Showtime!” So I guess that a yes.
Hey, Monty Brown signed with WWE a few weeks ago, and there is a joke about him being the newest member of Cryme Tyme, but I haven’t totally figured it out yet. I think it might be, “So, Monty Brown signed with the WWE. Is being the third member of Cryme Tyme more appealing than working in TNA?”
Eric Young is dressed as a turkey. Cause it’s Thanksgiving.
AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels come out for they’re match, which we’ll get to…
… but first, Kurt Angle! is Parking!
– break —
Vignette for the New Flock.
Match 1:
AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels v. The Naturals (w/ Shane Douglas)
Back from break, the match has already begun, and the Naturals are double-teaming Daniels. West & Tenay are telling us that this is the last time the Fallen Phenoms will be teaming up. The Naturals work over Daniels for a long time with nothing special, then AJ flies in with a top rope clothesline. Then, the Phenomenal Angles dominate, with and AJ hits Andy Douglas with a frogsplash, then Daniels hits the best moonsault ever for the three (Daniels PIN Douglas, *, 2:40).
Post-match, Rhino comes out to congratulate Daniels and Styles on the win, and the rest of the X-Division fans come out to celebrate, but for whatever reason, Styles takes umbrage to all this.
Tenay and West talk at the desk about Angle’s refusal of Joe’s rematch.
This leads to some footage of the Voodoo Kin Mafia as they launch their “ground war” against the WWE and DX.
–break–
Clerks II on DVD Tuesday.
Also, the promo for Turning Point seems to indicate Kurt Angle is going after the NWA World Heavyweight Title.
JIm Cornette is in the ring to take back the NWA World Tag Team Title, but he first brings out Petey Williams, carrying an American flag. Cornette has Williams hang the flag above the ring, and Williams cuts a pretty good face promo. Williams makes a good face, because people want to pop for the Destroyer, and I think he’s better selling and making comebacks than being on offense. Anyway, the National Anthem before LAX interrupts, with their lawyer. LAX is suing TNA for violating their First Amendment rights. WIlliams tries to fight them off, but 3-on-1 is too much to overcome. Konnan goes after Cornette, but AMW and Gail Kim run in to make the save. Kim floors Homicide with a bodypress, but but Konnan pulls her down by the hair. LAX gets the advantage on AWM, but Kurt Angle runs in to chase off LAX, finally. At the pay-per-view, LAX was stripped of the tag championship, and although it wasn’t explicitly stated here, I’m assuming that the lawsuit somehow prevents TNA from taking their belts away from them. Vince Russo’s do-it-yourself storytelling; sometimes you have to fill in the blanks yourself.
Of course, Angle’s presence brings out Samoa Joe! He starts towards the ring, so it’s time for a break!
– break —
Back in the ring, Joe is looking for his rematch from Angle. It was stupid stupid STUPID to have Joe job to Angle, as the message the casual fan gets is the TNA guys are inferior to the WWE guys. Not in the “wresting is real” way, in the “wresting is fake” way. It says the TNA bookers don’t have confidence in the TNA guys to put them over guys just from the WWE; they don’t think their own guys are big enough stars. Anyway, Joe makes the challenge, and Angle accepts, so long as Joe and Angle agree to watch each other’s backs until Turning Point. I can’t remember from spoilers, but I totally wouldn’t be surprised if Angle and Joe end up as tag team champions in the next two weeks.
The Voodoo Kin Mafia is looking for “the Target,” but the find a Target Superstore instead. Whoops. Sure it’s funny, but to me, it looks like a couple of guys wishing they were still working for Vince.
TNA Spotlight, basically an two minute commercial for the DVDs and an upcoming show in Monterrey, Mexico.
Back to the ring, and Robert Roode (w/ Ms. Brooks) calls out Eric Young in his turkey suit. Roode is looking for a rematch from Genesis.
– break –
Match 2:
Robert Roode (w/ Ms. Brooks) v. Eric Young
Young is going to wrestle in his turkey suit. Match starts on the floor. Crowd is chanting for Young while Roode dominates. Roode sets up a top rope back suplex, but Young knocks him to the canvas. Young goes for a moonsault, but Roode gets out of the way. Roode sets up a powerbomb, but Young reverses it into a cradle for a three (Young PIN Roode, 1/4*, 1:46).
Post-match, Robert Roode berates Ms. Brooks and blames her for the loss. What’s the point?
Kevin Nash holds an X-Division meeting introduction the “Papparazzi Championship Series,” or PCS. There will be testing for anabolic steroids! Hilarious. He also wants all the guys to hold hands, which they are not comfortable doing. Well, Starr, Nash and Shelley are comfortable holding hands. Nash is funny. Just don’t put him over anyone, please.
Match 3:
Christian Cage v. Sting
Sting follows Cage, attacking him from behind, and the brawling goes into the crowd right away. Quick, go to the commercial!
– break —
Back in the ring, Cage hits a dropkick for a near fall. Jim Cornette is at ringside with the commentators. I thought he was taking some time off? Cage dominates as Tenay announces Angle/Williams v. LAX for the tag titles next week. Cage turns his back on Sting, and Sting recovers from the beating, no selling all of Cage’s shots. Sting mounts a comeback, hitting a back body drop and press slamming Cage. Stinger splash to follow up. On a second attempt at the splash, Cage pulls the ref in the way. So now the ref is out, and Cage gets out of a Death Lock attempt. Cage goes for the Unprettier, but Sting counters into a death drop, then slaps on the Deathlock. A fan wearing a hoodie runs in to break that up, and the man takes off his shirt to reveal himself to be Tyson Tomko, now just called Tomko. Tenay says Tomko has “solved problems” for Christian before. What, the Problem Solver gimmick was that over? Tomko gives Sting a fallaway slam, then a torture rack into a neck breaker. Cornette, on commentary, doesn’t know what he’s going to do with the top contender’s slot. I smell a 3-way! Cage and Tomko celebrate over Sting’s prone body (Sting NC Cage, *1/2, 9:19).
Adrenaline Rush highlight package to finish the show…
… until we’re back with VKM, who somehow lost their rental car, but have now accidentally found WWE headquarters. To be continued…
Comments:
I don’t know if I would have blown the first Sting/Cage meeting on a free TV show that going to score low in the ratings since everyone was eating turkey, but I guess that’s why I don’t run a wrestling promotion. The VKM stuff is idiocy, and there were no killer matches to save the show this week.
From the inbox…
“I know you’re not a wrestling encyclopedia, but do you remember anything about how Randy Savage turned face in 1987? I was watching the SNME from May 1987 when he was still heel and was trying to win back the IC belt from Steamboat, where he teased a face turn. Then I started watching the SNME from October 1987 where he was already a face feuding with Honky Tonk Man, so I was just wondering if you remembered what I missed in those five months? Thanks for your help!”
You didn’t miss much, actually. Basically Hogan needed time off and Savage’s anti-hero act was drawing good response, so one week he was “injured” before a house show and needed a replacement, and Savage took his place. Given a choice between cheering One Man Gang and Savage, fans picked Savage and it was basically a de facto face turn. There was never any official turn until he started wrestling Honky Tonk Man, and again fans chose to cheer the lesser evil, leading up to the “official” face turn and Megapower formation on SNME.
The SmarK DVD Rant for The Spectacular Legacy of the AWA
- I’m such a sucker for these things, and in the grand scheme of things I think it’s actually better that the WWE controls all the AWA footage, rather than the AWA themselves, leaving it less likely that someone will accidentally tape over something important with the new episode of Lost or something.
- This one was actually a pleasant surprise for me, as one of my friends in WWE was sending me the Brian Pillman DVD in exchange for some books, and sent this along as an extra.
TNA iMPACT! Prime time debut!
I realize this is 7 days late, but better late than never, I say. I had a hell of a week the last two weeks, and sitting down to watch and review two hours of TNA just didn’t fit in until now. But, I have a few hours, so what the heck. Of course, some of my observations will be kind of dated now, in light of the pay-per-view that’s already happened, but, still, it’s the debut show prime-time show.
I was hoping to get this done on Saturday, but ended up out and about, and Sunday I worked on a pretty huge project for my History of Math class. I worked full days Monday and Tuesday, 12 hours today… but now I’m going to watch it before I go to bed. Of course, it then took me a day before I had a minute to sit down and go over it… two hours is a long time to watch a show, and I was getting a little punchy at the end of it.
(more…)
The SmarK Retro Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event #3 (11/2/85)
- I skipped over this one when I was doing my massive SNME run last time because the video quality was pretty bad, but since I’m a completist at heart and I’ve got an hour to kill, I figured I’d give it a go anyway. The sound is pretty low on the DVD so I’ll have to extrapolate from the picture only, like for instance the opening montage of the wrestlers in costumes only slightly gaudier than their regular outfits, which suggests a Halloween show. See, this is easy!
- Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura.
Opening match: Terry Funk v. Junkyard Dog
This is the result of Funk beating up a ringboy, possibly to send a message about testifying against Terry Garvin and the consequences thereof, and then moving his aggression to JYD because that’s what they do in the south. Or so the liberal media has taught me. I mean, we all know that the Funks vote Republican. Terry bails and comes back in with a slam, but misses an elbow, and Dog tosses him again, expressing the rage of black men and ringboys everywhere! Who says Vince doesn’t understand the black viewer? Headbutts and Funk bails again as this is going nowhere, much like my agonizingly forced running gag, and Funk slugs him down for two. Oh man, two punches, he’s in trouble now. Sleeper, but JYD makes the ropes and comes back with his own. Funk, once the sleeper, is now the sleepee, and Jimmy Hart runs interference, allowing Funk to hit Dog with the megaphone and pin him. Luckily, he’s unable to follow up and brand him, because that would be too racist even for the 80s.
(Terry Funk d. Junkyard Dog, megaphone — pin, 4:28, 1/2*)
- Meanwhile, Mean Gene hosts a pie-eating contest, which gives us Sheik and Volkoff dressed as Batman and Robin, thus making this worth the price of admission alone. The participants are a toga-wearing Lou Albano and Abraham Bundy. Hulk Hogan standing behind Captain Lou dressed as a gladiator makes me wonder just what kind of sick Halloween party this was, anyway.
- And now, it’s Piper’s Pit time, with special guests George Bush and his cabinet. No, sorry, it’s actually the Hillbilly family. See, I was going for some Red State humor there. Anyway, I can’t hear the conversation so I miss the fascinating details, but it draws out Jesse Ventura from the announce booth and sets up a six-man tag on the next show. The Hillbillies stomp on Jesse’s hat to REALLY show they mean business.
- Meanwhile, it’s bobbing for pumpkins with JYD and Macho Tarzan seconding Bobby Heenan and Cousin Luke. Liz playing Jane? I’m there. Bobby wins a clean match, surprisingly.
- Hulk Hogan & Andre The Giant v. Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy
When they hyped “The Dream Team” before the break, I was hoping to see a tag title defense by Valentine & Beefcake, and then they went and shattered my dreams with this. Hogan loses a shoving match to Bundy, but slugs him down and tries a slam in retribution. Man, he just can’t take any loss well, can he? Corner clothesline and Andre comes in and chokes Bundy out, wrestling essentially the same way he would as a heel later on. Hogan goes all aerial with a flying axehandle, although even Haystacks Calhoun would like an X-division worker next to the other three. Studd tries to take over, but Hogan gets an atomic drop and the “Dream Team” works him over in the corner. Sadly, the ref is bumped, and it’s a big brawl as the faces clean house and we take a break.
Back with Andre locking the bearhug on Studd and then whipping him into Hogan’s boot from the apron, as they show the kind of sportsmanship that all kids can learn from. Andre adds his own boot and it’s another big brawl, leaving Andre tied up in the ropes as per usual while Bundy beats on Hogan. But fear not, because he makes the comeback and the heels run away and all is right with the world again.
(Hogan & Andre d. Studd & Bundy, countout, 5:43, DUD) I know they couldn’t give away the house show main event on free TV, but that was barely even a match. Hogan’s entire heat segment consisted of him getting splashed by Bundy while Andre was tied up in the ropes.
- And now I’m really sad that the sound is bad on this DVD, because we get the video for Land of a Thousand Dances with all the cheesy adlibs by the singing wrestlers. I wonder how many takes they needed for their “spontaneous” lyrics? And poor Bret Hart doesn’t even get a wacky line, as he’s forced to look vacantly at the camera while Jim Neidhart gets to ham it up. Of course, it’s likely that 70% of my audience demographic wasn’t even born when this came out and thus has no idea what the fuck I’m talking about, but that’s the chance I take every day.
Intercontinental title: Tito Santana v. Randy Savage
Oh, cool. Savage escapes a couple of lockup attempts before taking him down with a cheapshot out of the corner, but Santana comes back with a hiptoss. Savage pops up and goes up with a double axehandle for two, however, before hitting the chinlock. At 1:30? Suck it up, Macho Man. Tito is sadly unable to loose himself from the power of Savage’s vice-like grip, and Macho slams him and goes up again, but this time gets caught coming down. Tito fires back and goes for the flying forearm, but Savage wisely runs away and they brawl on the floor until the bell rings.
(Tito Santana draw Randy Savage, double countout, 4:10, 1/2*) This has not been a banner night for wrestling action, I’ll tell you that much. Luckily, Savage would go on to win the belt in a much longer and better match in February 86.
- And now, a classic bit of stupidity, as Roddy Piper teaches us how to properly enjoy Halloween, like wrapping bowling bowls up as candy apples and disguising bricks as chocolate bars. Sure, it’s cartoonishly evil, but that’s the charm of it. Now, he’s just a cartoon, and that’s much sadder. This of course leads to a payoff of Piper abusing a kid dressed as Hulk Hogan and stealing his candy.
- We conclude with the “Kung Fu Challenge,” as Mr. Fuji and Ricky Steamboat engage in the closest thing to mixed martial arts that the WWF would ever see. Steamboat gets a series of kicks into an enzuigiri, but Fuji comes back with his headbutt to the groin. Steamboat chops him down again, but Fuji uses a biel by the jaw before Steamboat reverses a suplex and goes up to finish with the missile dropkick, a staple of all kung fu exhibitions. Shockingly, Magnificent Muraco attacks afterwards and they fuck him up good.
The Pulse:
The Halloween stuff is pretty funny, but the in-ring stuff is less amusing. Take a pass.
Well, last night was pretty painful, because it was the season finale of Deadwood on History Television, and the end of the second season is as far as we get in Canada. And with no release date for season 3’s DVD set yet to be announced, I’m dying here. So if anyone has the third season on DVD, either in Divx or as a result of a DVD recorder, PLEASE let me know so I can beg for a copy and get my Swearengen fix.
“This is a damn shame.
http://www.engadget.com/2006
If by a shame you mean HILARIOUS, then yes. People deserve what they get.
